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Teen Poetry #5
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Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium

0 posted 2001-12-12 08:44 AM


Sliver of life smiles
Through the shadows of the moon ~
Below, the snow shines


© Copyright 2001 Sudhir Iyer - All Rights Reserved
xShUgArHiGhx
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Member Elite
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs
1 posted 2001-12-12 05:13 PM


beautifully written...wonderful

ShE'S nOt ThE kInDa GiRL..WhO lIkeS tO tElL tHe WorLd AbOuT tHe Way She FEEL'S aBouT hErSelf...ShE tAkEs a LiTtLe TiMe In MakIn uP hEr MiNd..

anonymous albert ?
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since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979

2 posted 2001-12-12 05:17 PM


I started noticing [interested] in the moons' beauty and its effect and mysteries     Glad to see a elegant poem of it.

anyway! i write haikus as well, maybe i'll post one...enjoyed and imagery was nicely fullfilled to the moon at wintertime. [i liked how you used white to make it more realistic]

Hey...#25437
What!
You in there?
Yea, im in here.
ok



[This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 12-12-2001).]

banburycross
Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946
viginia
3 posted 2001-12-13 09:41 AM


in a few lines you you gave the reader a brilliant and beautiful image.  i like this format a lot, its difficult to do well but if you succeed it makes for very powerful poetry.  keep posting your work.

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

Fading Away
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since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia
4 posted 2001-12-13 10:02 AM


It's nice having you around in Teen, Sudhir.  I'm enjoying reading your work...

This piece is very beautiful.  The image you gave was fantastic, and the HTML used made the piece, simple as it is, very powerful.  Nicely done!

--Marie

If there's one thing I've learned, it's that the most frustrated people in the world are those who know they're stupid, but keep trying anyway.

[Ice Box]
Junior Member
since 2001-12-13
Posts 21
Canada
5 posted 2001-12-13 05:51 PM


I really thought this was a lovely post! The way you described the moon smiling...it worked perfectly with the different phases of the moon.
A very creative piece. You did a great job on giving inanimate objects some character and charm. Thank you for the read, Sudhir!

[Ice Box]

Shiver.

[This message has been edited by [Ice Box] (edited 12-13-2001).]

anonymousfemale
Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797
Limbo
6 posted 2001-12-14 12:49 PM


Sudhir, another great post once again. I enjoyed this one more than the other. Its beautiful in it's simplicity.

I'm really enjoying having you around here.  

~AF~

Caution: Filling is hot.

cherish
Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........
7 posted 2001-12-14 09:01 PM


i could picture that in my minds eye. and such a nice picture it was. i liked this one lots sudhir...thanks for sharing this

       

....but wanting a gold one  


Zukene_Chic
Member
since 2001-09-26
Posts 152
Cali
8 posted 2001-12-14 10:49 PM


Oh, ys- the glorious moon. Isnt it wonderful?
fozzyozzy
Member
since 2001-03-15
Posts 336
Lessburg Virginia
9 posted 2001-12-15 12:58 PM


You put such thoughts so simply into words.  That's a very admirable skill, and this is a very good poem.

"and Death i think is no paranthesis"-e.e. cummings

Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium
10 posted 2001-12-18 08:53 AM


thank you very much, my dear friends from the TeenWorld...

I hope you all are having fun...

Regards to you,
sudhir

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