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| Teen Poetry #5 |
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Master Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867Boston, MA 
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I I turn on the light and search for the answer. If the muse won’t hear me, then perhaps the pencil Will render some vision, perhaps an omen, Will clear up the haze, which at the moment, Smothers my lungs from the inside out. It’s so easy to hide within, without II You at my side. I need you near me. I’d scream, but I doubt that you would hear me, Since the sound that travels the given distance Is certain to blend into nonexistence. Therefore I’m biting my tongue, crestfallen, And searching for verse to put my soul in, III Since the body’s too small to encompass passion And either way, it is certain to return to ashes Faster than verse, which survives long after And propels the passion. Who said that laughter Is the cure for both grief and sadness? It perishes quicker and drives to madness IV Faster than pain. Therefore, I don’t hide it. In short, this hunger can be subsided. It grows and multiplies in your absence, It eats up words and feeds on nonsense. I drop the pencil. I miss your presence, The rest is silence, which hides the essence. Check out my poetry here: |
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| © Copyright 2001 Andrey Kneller - All Rights Reserved | |||
Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Hey Master! So nice to see you posting once more. Your talent has been sorely missed by many, such as myself, who are members of your earlier audience here.  I'm liking this poem... first of all, the divisions. Professional, yes, and unique as well. It makes the poem feel progressive and staged. Good language use for the most part. There are some words in here that are impressively used, such as "crestfallen" and "propels." But one thing I'd like to mention, you have a couple of places where you use certain words twice too closely in succession, like "perhaps" and "passion." It made those parts look a bit too messy. Writer's block stinks, buddy. I know a few ways to beat it though... walk, don't ride in a car, and don't listen to music when you would normally have music playing. When you start to drift from your daily tasks, and daydream a bit, grasp them and remember what they were before shaking them off. Then, later on, try to revive them with your poetry. Good luck to you. A poet's talent is nothing without something to write about, and believe me, I know where you're coming from. Adieu. ~Allan "I know it's nice to be known - It caresses your ego - but the society cost is terrible." |
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AngelPoet87 Member
since 2001-04-21
Posts 280Indy |
WoW. Words can't describe how wonderful I find this to be. The flow, rhythme, wording, absolutly everything is magnificent. I agree with Allan about the repetition in words, other than that, I see no faults in this piece. Great work, keep them coming! Liefhe alle ten spijte van duivel... A tes souhaits... A tes amours... Qu ils restent. J'ai t'adore. Je t'aime. |
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chasing rain Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737Canada |
Master: You never cease to amaze me with your poetry. Like Allan, I too, have missed your work. ^_^; I, for one, disagree with Allan. The "perhaps" and the "passion" did not make anything look messy. If I dare to ask, dear Allan, how can a poem look messy? oO; Sometimes one has to disagree for the sake of calming Allan's ego. ^_^ Hehe. *halo* I really liked your rhyme scheme, if it is to be called a rhyme scheme. I don't know if this was intentional or not. I felt that it gave the poem momentum to continue rather than fade off into a blah moment. I thought it was very creative. ^_^ I hope you continue to write and share with us, your words and thoughts. Thank you for another much enjoyed read! ^___^ ++ Leah ++ Va pensiero sull' ali dorate... |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Master! Oh how wonderful it is to see you again. I have sorely missed your work for the past month or so. You always manage to capture the poems true meaning and not dance around the point. 'Tis why you're a fave.  Once again, marvellous piece of writing. You tend to choose very different styles to everyone else in here which gives the entire poem a sense of uniqueness. I like all that it conveys and much more. It opens the mind up to new possibilities and almost demands more images, more thoughts. Thank you very much for sharing this. I enjoyed it immencely. ~AF~ Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my gosh....I could be eating a slow learner. |
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