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Teen Poetry #5
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Streen
Member
since 2001-11-28
Posts 169


0 posted 2001-11-29 06:43 PM


We Rose Two

Friday night,
waiting in the hotel lobby
for you, I felt
anxious;
From miles away,
over speckled fields,
through Aeolus’s realm of cumuli
I came for you.
That day my plane arrived
my heart did, too.

In the
hotel lobby,
uncomfortable
on a leather couch
feet tapping
fountain lapping
I sat waiting,
until a car
pulled up,
my heart
leapt up
My breath was pulsing;
beats of oxygen
drowning,
blood swimming.
A heather suddenly blooming
walked into the
the door,
the doorway
framing the floral beauty
of the figure of the
flower that blossomed through the door.

Out into the grove
Close we were holding,
our hearts reeling,
beneath that
ancient  Shagbark with wooden
petals that, peeling,
were falling to our feet.
What a joy it was,
under antediluvian arboretum
to true love first meet.

That weekend,
a few of the moon’s rotations,
the days fused
As our hearts did, too.

Monday rolled its way around
a hated crime
our time
was near at an end
before we would have to part
and separate our heart.

Nearby a lake we strolled,
while the noontime closer
rolled
when the loons closer
mulled over
crumbs of bread we overthrew.

So the lake did shine forth
a brilliant array of God’s glory,
but my bosom shrank,
the day was dank.
My good hopes sank
that day
into the depths where the
unwanted bread crumbs
lay.

But Beauty beside me
smiled with merriment anew
My Heather was happy,
so I could be, too.
Her smile was radiant,
her eyes were a-shine,
I loved her so much,
this woman of mine.

We got into a taxi
arrived at the airport
my heart was dying
cheeks never drying
I held her,
I kissed her;
Dear God,
I would miss her.
Together we were one combined
But now the plane was boarding
at gate concourse
“a fifty nine”

I said my farewells
and walking down the plane aisle,
this rare and hallowed maiden
with blue-hued eyes
mourned  from afar
gazing to me through a window.
The plane began to rumble and churn,
as I stared from one pane to another.


I lifted through the air
clenching tufts of my hair.
I kept on crying
The lids of my eyes
would not screw shut

Despair seemed its worst
I could not see ahead
To where our future may lay
For my vision would cloud with crystalline patterns
and nary a flower be in sight
For tempestuous cumuli would nubilate the sky
hailing and assailing upon our hearth
And yet in the winter though away we would be
Our love was not an emberless dearth.

A flowery bell ringing true
through the snow
by which we would cut
through the
hiemnal flow;
My Heather and I
lifted, not drifted,
into the clouds.

That day my plane arose
our hearts did two.

© Copyright 2001 Derek Benz - All Rights Reserved
chasing rain
Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737
Canada
1 posted 2001-11-29 10:52 PM


Streen:

Incredible. This was definately a treat to read. Even though I myself am not a fan of love poems, this one is a definate exception. ^_^

The metaphorical and symbolic connotations of roses really brought out the themes in this piece. ^^

The hotel scenes were described so well, it was as if I was there, feeling the exact same things, seeing the exact same images...this is indeed true poetry. ^___^

I also like the homophone you used in your title. It made me curious, but once I got the just of it, I thought it was clever.

Again, a much enjoyed piece that I won't mind reading more than once. Thank you. ^_^ You're definately becoming one of my favorite poets at PIP. Keep writing! ^___^

++ Leah ++

Va pensiero sull' ali dorate...

cherish
Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........
2 posted 2001-11-29 10:52 PM


WOW!....wow oh wow streen!!i was totally captivated by this from the very start!
this is AWESOME! i loved the read. i cant wait to read more from you- MORE i say!

       

  

i luve mi con-tray! lyke a big an brown stetch olan wiv losa sun!



Fading Away
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia
3 posted 2001-12-01 01:53 AM


I was about to reply to this, but it's 2 in the morning, and I'm quite tired.  So I'm coming back when I'm more awake to give an in-depth reply for ya...  

See ya then...

--Marie

If there's one thing I've learned, it's that the most frustrated people in the world are those who know they're stupid, but keep trying anyway.

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