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Powder
Junior Member

since 2000-04-28

Posts 20
Illinois, USA

0 posted 2001-10-13 10:14 PM

I wrote this poem a little while ago so just tell me how you think it is and how you think I can fix it.
Oh just so you know, the "forbidden love" refers to the fact that I am a guy and the poem is written for my boyfriend-not exactly status quo. The part about being ripped apart is that his family found out and unlike my family, his freaked out and he is not allowed to see me.
I don't know why, but I need to be around you
I need to feel your heart close to mine
I don't know why, but I need you in my life
I need to know that you will be there for me

You have come and turned everything around
Things are so much better because of you
You have come and given me so much
So much that I can never repay you

Why do you risk so much for me
Because of me, you can lose everything
Why do you risk so much for love
The love that is the hardest of all

How can life be so cruel to our love
Our love that seems so forbidden
How can life let us be together
And then rip us apart so quickly

I want you to come, to walk with me
To walk away from everything in life
I want you to come, to stay with me
To be with me always and forever

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

1 posted 2001-10-14 12:01 PM

That's so sad! That is just so sad!

If you define cowardice as running away, tripping and screaming at the first sign of danger, then yes, Mister Brave Man, I guess I am a coward.

Charisma

Member Ascendant

since 2000-09-30

Posts 5906
lost in blue pages

2 posted 2001-10-14 04:09 PM

heartfelled penned...wish that it once will be "Always and Forever" for you and your love.

((warm hugs))
Charisma

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

3 posted 2001-10-19 03:08 AM

Wow...this is so touching. I can't believe they won't let him see you! Completely and utterly ridiculous.
I hope that things work out for you. You have a wonderful way of expressing yourself.

Take care and good work.

~AF~

"I remember the days when I was so eager to satisfy you"
Nelly Furtado - On the radio

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

4 posted 2001-10-19 08:38 AM

This was an absolutely amazing poem Powder..i hope that one day you and your love can be together. ::hugs:: Very touching...U certaintly do have talent

please post more often!

ShE'S nOt ThE kInDa GiRL..WhO lIkeS tO tElL tHe WorLd AbOuT tHe Way She FEEL'S aBouT hErSelf...ShE tAkEs a LiTtLe TiMe In MakIn uP hEr MiNd..

AngelShell
Member

since 2000-03-01

Posts 446
not heaven nor hell so...

5 posted 2001-10-20 10:34 PM

Wow - if this is how you feel then you definately have something to hold on to...
I hope everything will work out with you..

~I haven't memorized all of the cute things to say but I'm working on it~

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

6 posted 2001-10-31 01:10 PM

I thought the poem was well done. A typical topic to write about and you did just fine with it.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

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