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Poet Unknown
Member

since 2001-08-14

Posts 140
Missouri

0 posted 2001-09-10 12:13 PM

Camoulfauged by the lack of light,
Keeping me out of everyone's sight.
Point blank look of utter stun,
Hit your knees pray to The Righteous One.
Someone went out and a gun got baught,
Give a penny for my only thought.
We cry over the victim without a gun,
Hit your knees pray to The righteous One.
I love my life,
So everyday I strife.
To do my best under the sun,
Hit my knees pray to The Righteous One.
Wash away your tears my love,
Sing a song just like a dove.
When everything is said and done,
Hit your knees pray to The Righteous One.
Thought he was bulletproof,
Instead got scabbed by someone's goof.
All alone where can you run?
Hit your knees pray to The Righteous one.
Fear is how you fall,
Put your name up on the wall.
It's so distracting reacting for fun,
Hit your knees pray to The Righteous One.
Think it's all over with alas,
Taken by that snake in the grass.
From your shoulders lifted as a ton,
Hit your knees pray to The Righteous one....

Do as you please....strike forth down upon your knees...Darkness Falls on Those Without Souls

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

1 posted 2001-09-10 12:26 PM

Now this is very interesting. I do like the way you painted a scene here whilst keeping with 'The righteous one' lines. It is a unique piece and I honestly did enjoy reading it. Just make sure you watch out for spelling errors though. They tend to take away from the meaning and power of the write when you get distracted by mispelt words.

Other than that, loved it. Strong piece with a deep meaning. Well done.

~AF~

"Kelly's my Hero!" "No, Kelly's your heroine." "Kelly has heroin??" "What?"

Domzi
Member

since 2001-09-08

Posts 288
New York (BK)

2 posted 2001-09-10 03:33 PM

As soon as I started reading this I was feeling it. It's strong and deep.

As my borough has always stated- Do or Die.

Android 17

Senior Member

since 2001-07-21

Posts 664
Winnipeg

3 posted 2001-09-10 03:54 PM

Hmmm...I'm saving this one for sure!

There's no point in living, if you can't feel alive!

TopGunLauren
Senior Member

since 2000-08-02

Posts 718
California

4 posted 2001-09-10 06:27 PM

Very deep poem it was great I loved it.Keep up the awsome work I loved this one!
Lauren

Spice
Senior Member

since 2001-04-13

Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.

5 posted 2001-09-15 01:52 AM

OOoo Kyle, I liked this one...I completely agree with Lizzy....so just go read her reply and scratch out her name and put mine...lol. Thanks for the read, deary.

You wouldn't worry about what people thought about you if you knew how seldom they did.

punkrockerrobin

Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 1180
Sparks, NV

6 posted 2001-09-15 05:51 AM

great poem i really liked it!! keep up the good work.rad!
robin

Things I Have Learned I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

7 posted 2001-09-29 12:13 PM

This is a really enjoyable read.
I do like the repetition on that one line
It get's the point out better
beautiful post
keep it up

hi Sweets, Lizzy, Jesa, Ina, Allysa, Marie, Erica, Minna, Kit, Kamie, Javi, Jenn, Sharon, Nan, Cawlee, Cherish, Chelsea, Baker, Leah, Jess, Kimmie

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