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ANGELBABY
Junior Member

since 2001-09-01

Posts 25

0 posted 2001-09-01 04:56 PM

WHY YOU TELL ME YOU LOVED ME
WHEN YOU KNEW YOU WERE LYING?
WHY DID YOU TELL ME YOU CARED
WHEN YOU KNEW THAT YOU WERE OLDER
AND YOU KNEW ALOT MORE ABOUT THIS
SO CALLED LOVE THING?
I DON'T UNDERSTAND WE WERE BEST FRIENDS
FOR 3YRS THEN WE STARTED DATING....
WOW WHAT A MISTAKE!!!!!!
NOW EVERYNIGHT WHEN I CLOSE MY EYES I HAVE THE BIG
QUESTION IN MY HEAD WHY??
OR HOW COULD HE??
WHEN I CALLED AND YOU SAID WHAT YOU SAID IT TORE ME IN HALF I DIDN'T KNOW WHERE TO GO!!!
NOW WE BARLEY TALKS AND IT HERTS IT HERTS REALLY BAD!!!
I MISS YOU CARLOS RAMOS I MISS YOU SO MUCH!!!

I KNOW IT ISN'T MY BEST I REALLY HAVEN'T WRITTEN IN AWHILE BUT PLEASE RESPOND AND GIVE ME UR OPPION!
THANKS
ANGEL

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

1 posted 2001-09-01 05:01 PM

Welcome Angel

this is a heartfelt cry, and I know how this feels, you did fine, except all capital letters is like screaming at us

Please check your email for a special greeting!

Spice
Senior Member

since 2001-04-13

Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.

2 posted 2001-09-01 06:29 PM

WELCOME TO PIP!

Ya, Aside from the caps lock and minor spelling errors, the poem was well done.
You expressed your feelings and emotions rather boldly, I liked that. Hope to see more posting AND replying form you very soon.

You wouldn't worry about what people thought about you if you knew how seldom they did.

ANGELBABY
Junior Member

since 2001-09-01

Posts 25

3 posted 2001-09-02 08:53 PM

THANKS FOR THE KIND WELCOMING I REALLY APPCIATE IT
ANGEL

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

4 posted 2001-09-03 03:59 AM

Welcome to Passions! I really enjoyed the poem and hope to see you post more often in the future!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

5 posted 2001-09-03 04:53 AM

Welcome to Passions!!

OK, although you're a newbie I'm going to have to say it. Pretty please tone down the caps just an incy wincy bit. Parts of this piece needs caps for the emphasis but not the whole thing. It's a sad piece but you'll get through it 'cause in the end, you'll be a stronger person for being able to move on.
I hope to see many more replies and posts from in the future. Thanks for sharing.

~AF~

"Kelly's my Hero!" "No, Kelly's your heroine." "Kelly has heroin??" "What?"

[This message has been edited by anonymousfemale (edited 09-03-2001).]

~sugarpie313~
Member

since 2000-09-14

Posts 375
Maine, USA

6 posted 2001-09-03 05:56 PM

quit with the caps first of all. Sea told you and then when you replied yourself you kept the caps on. cut it out. sorry but it really irks me. plus it's not cool to look at anyway. other then that i don't really find this that good. i think that you could do better because this sounds like a letter you'd write to this person. try using maybe a rhyming scheme and better words. you'd be surprised what you can do. or try using a format for one. either way i think it would improve it.

Valerie

"i'm supergirl, and i'm here to save the world, but i wanna know, who's gonna save me" - WNBA Commercial

Spice
Senior Member

since 2001-04-13

Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.

7 posted 2001-09-03 06:27 PM

See, Now I disagree with Sugarpie. But thats just my personal opinion. Some people like perfect formats and rhyme scheme, While *I* myself like Freeverse. No specific syllable count, no meter, no rhyme...I mean some poetry needs it and looks bets with a format and rhyme...But then some don't. Free verse is "pure form" in my opinion. And I think alot of people ruin their thoughts by TRYING to make it rhyme and squeeze into what should be a 5 count rather than a 7 or 8. But ya, everyone has their own writing styles and preferences. Again, I liked the read.

You wouldn't worry about what people thought about you if you knew how seldom they did.

SunShine913

Member

since 2001-08-19

Posts 211
Italy but from NC

8 posted 2001-09-03 07:40 PM

WELCOME WELCOME WELCOME!!!

Well, with this it was heart felt and the first that i have read of yours. so im going to be looking for more and hoping for better! but either way stay with what you feel good with .. wether it be freeverse or not!

!~Andrea~!
*You only live once, so live it to the
fullest*
*what is love?*

[This message has been edited by Read_what_i_write (edited 09-03-2001).]

ANGELBABY
Junior Member

since 2001-09-01

Posts 25

9 posted 2001-09-03 10:16 PM

well thank you all for your replys and to the people who are so rude about the way i write my poetry i am sorry you feel that way!!! i have not only won places in books and on cd's with my poetry but i am one of the top finalist in the latest thing i entered in!!! so it really dosen't matter how bad some people think i am i know i can do it and that is all that matters!!! but thank you once again to the kind people who have replied!!
angel

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

10 posted 2001-09-04 05:15 PM

that is right Angel, we are all here expressing our hearts, no one, should say something so negitive. Poetry is found in many forms. If you don't like it, don't reply. Period.

~SEA

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

11 posted 2001-09-04 11:54 PM

WELCOME TO PASSIONS!!!

i actually liked the fact it was done in caps it added not if it needed more emotions to it...great first post...i liked it lots.

but, one thing fellow poet...im proud that you have accomplish much...though as a poet your not going to hear ONLY the things you want to hear from your readers and you said that ONLy your thoughts matter then, why is there readers of your poem?...cause its just simply good?...thats like saying i write how i like you take it or leave it...isnt it?...as i didnt really find amusment in your attitude towards critism...i know that you DONT encourge but, if you have such experience in the poetry world and how it runs...i think you can aprrouch such situations in the best matter...dont get me wrong you write good poetry...but poets are suppose to inspire and teach somewhat or learn from each other and improve as no one is already perect in writing poetry...no matter how much fame or accomplishment you might have gained through writing...everyone is free to share then why not be free to say and express our thoughts towards each others poems?

im sorry...but i felt taht the way you said it was totally approiate...you can email me if you ahve things to say...i would like to get to know you...in a better approah of myself.

if i die before i wake...i pray the Lord my soul to take - when thugs cry-

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

12 posted 2001-09-05 12:03 PM

WOW raw emotion here sister momma chicken rooster!!!!

WELCOME ANGELBABY!

i liked this one a lot cuz it sounded as though it came straight from the heart. wow three years and it sounds like you guys are going through rough times. i think you should show this to carlos- it may help you to get your point across or maybe even help you to show him how you feel. either way i think that the situation inspired a great poem.

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cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

13 posted 2001-09-05 12:07 PM

ok ok...i just LOVE posting twice in one thread lol...
id like to show you the Teen Chat part of passions press this little bugger

and i hope to see you there soon!

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punkrockerrobin

Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 1180
Sparks, NV

14 posted 2001-09-05 01:43 AM

WELCOME ANGELBABY!
you get on with your bad self girly! ok welcome to pip! just a warning i'm the crazy one lol! so i like to leave crazy responses!it was a rad poem!
robinsorry cherish but i'm nnot verry good with comps so i just copy and pasted your welcome i hope that was ok.

i don't give up without a fight so boys beware!

[This message has been edited by poeticgirl01 (edited 09-05-2001).]

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

15 posted 2001-09-05 03:35 AM

lol @ robin

you silly silly peep! that's so darn cute!

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ANGELBABY
Junior Member

since 2001-09-01

Posts 25

16 posted 2001-09-05 04:21 PM

Thank you all for being so kind i know i made a couple of mistakes but you all have encourage me to keep on going thanks alot!!!

ps check out my poem r.i.p jonathan e mcknight i fixed my caps problem on that one it's should be on page 2 or 3

thanks again angel

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