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Professor Gloom
Member Elite

since 2000-07-23

Posts 3082
of Depression

0 posted 2001-06-01 07:04 AM

In a dirty alley way, all alone,
Except for scurries of gray, skin and bone,
Lingers on color’s dull edge, barely there;
Garbage piles forming a hedge, without care.

Gray spirit lingering, lingering on.

In a clean polished hall way, coated white,
Accepts hours beyond day, beyond night,
Lingers in a monotone, colors gone,
Like the time’s bleaching of bone, now past done.

Gray spirit lingering, lingering on.

In casket taken away, to darkness,
Where colors can never stay, no brightness,
Shrouds of dirt now confines all, covering,
And spirits leave at death’s call, lingering.

Gloom

ethome
Member Patricius

since 2000-05-14

Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada

1 posted 2001-06-01 08:57 AM

This poem is quite the write! I really enjoyed the way you presented it even with the dark nature of it.

Irish Rose
Member Patricius

since 2000-04-06

Posts 10263

2 posted 2001-06-01 10:37 AM

good specific imagery, lots of verbage, good write I'm impressed

Kathleen Blake

"When red-haired girls scamper like roses over the rain-green grass,
and the sun drips honey."
Laurie Lee

Professor Gloom
Member Elite

since 2000-07-23

Posts 3082
of Depression

3 posted 2001-06-01 10:47 AM

Thank you, ethome,
This is a format I call a
Gloom Sonnet.
Unlike my normal pattern of 13 lines.
I like 7’s and 3’s so I made the rhyme fit that also.
This was a self challenge to the other lingering poems,
Those just flowed about as fast as I could type them.
Glad you liked this.

Thank you, Irish Rose,
I am pleased you like my efforts.

Gloom

[This message has been edited by Professor Gloom (edited 06-01-2001).]

Lady Ollyne
Member

since 2001-01-08

Posts 337
East Coast

4 posted 2001-06-01 03:01 PM

Gray spirit lingering, touching
the part of me hidden.
Bringing forth
the colours to tone
the blackened path.

Wishing warmth and hues
of spring, to paint you
in a wash.
Cleansing the dull,
allowing you to shine,
for all to see.

LO

"O, learn to read what silent love hath writ:
To hear with eyes belongs to love's fine wit"...Shakespeare

[This message has been edited by Lady Ollyne (edited 06-01-2001).]

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

5 posted 2001-06-01 03:24 PM

You sure accomplished your goal - it turned out awesome! Boy...that sure didn't take you long to finish did it? I loved this one Aszard, and the format is excellent!

~*~ I write ~ Therefore I am ~*~

~*~Please remember to tell someone you love them today~*~

Poeminister
Senior Member

since 2000-02-26

Posts 1862
Regina SK; Canada

6 posted 2001-06-01 03:35 PM

The flow of this flawless. I like the way you've created and conveyed the grey mood here. Nicely done.

Poeminister

Professor Gloom
Member Elite

since 2000-07-23

Posts 3082
of Depression

7 posted 2001-06-01 03:47 PM

Thank you, Lady O,
I appreciate the sentiments and the kind words,
But alas my pathways always seem darkened.

Thank you, Mysteria,
Once format and content is chosen
I can usually complete a poem quickly,
Glad you like my effort, the format is a bit
Intricate.

Thank you, Poeminister,
You are very kind with your praise,
Some people don’t like the repeating lines,
But I think is accentuates the feel of the poem.

Gloom

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