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Open Poetry #10
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You don't know
| Open Poetry #10 |
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You don't know |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095
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You don't know how I look upon your brow, how I search for the pool of green in your eyes, even gum leaves fall into them from trees above, they too want to dive into the very depths of you, I know, for I captured it there you lay, and I notice the kiss of the sun upon your lips as they smile at me, and the breeze tangled comfortably through your hair, the way your hand and the white of your nails lightly rests upon that aged picnic table, how I wished I was it I remember the burnt leaves of autumn, the way they swirled and danced the tango around your ankles, you don't know how the grass cried as you flicked it into the past, I know, for I captured it you don't know how the rain of tears fall at my feet, the way each drop bounces back up with a memory spent with you you don't know how much I love you Angel of Darkness November 2000 < !signature--> "If my words could blanket the skies and fill every corner and crevice of this earth, still this won't be enough" "Maree Russo" [This message has been edited by Dark Angel (edited 11-05-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Dark Angel - All Rights Reserved | |||
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wayoutwalt Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 4870TEXAS (it's all big) |
geepers i have no idea where to start in on how much i likes this yuh how bout a big hug and its just all great! |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Wow... a hushed wow. I know of the source of this inspiration... hugs Mmy... K The wind shifts like this: Like a human without illusions... This is how the wind shifts: Like a human, heavy and heavy, Who does not care. W.S |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
This poem really has lots of nice thoughts thru it...James |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
the way your hand and the white of your nails lightly rests upon that aged picnic table, how I wished I was it hmm really liked these lines DA...superb writing ~Wynter "The worst prison would be a closed heart". ...Pope John Paul II |
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Bill Charles Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619highways, & byways, for now |
Dark Angel - What a very tender and sensitive writing you have done. Very nice! BC |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
I do know this is a wonderful poem. Impressive as always Maree..  Jamie Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito. - Virgil. "Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely". |
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vandana
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463USA |
I liked a lot!!!!! |
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jwesley Member Rara Avis
since 2000-04-30
Posts 7563Spring, Texas |
Definitely a collection of love; the things we see and remember of another's passage. Well done... jwesley |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
Just beautiful Maree. . . simply beautiful. . . -------------------------------------------------------- That which gives light must endure burning --Victor Frankl |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
i have practically never been moved by a love poem like i was by this maree. Not one rose not one beach no thorns no hearts no souls no sunsets no moons no flowers or dreams no eternals or undyings no pledges no lies no twinking stars or angels .. and above all no fuzzy bunnies .......AND YET ... look at the passion the emotion and the sheer power in the little details and the clear imagery ... i hope lots of people read this and learn!! God, maree it was a sheer joy to read it over and over - i wouldn't change a single single thing You don't know how I look upon your brow, how I search for the pool of green in your eyes, even gum leaves fall into them from trees above, they too want to dive into the very depths of you, I know, for I captured it there you lay, and I notice the kiss of the sun upon your lips as they smile at me, and the breeze tangled comfortably through your hair, the way your hand and the white of your nails lightly rests upon that aged picnic table, how I wished I was it I remember the burnt leaves of autumn, the way they swirled and danced the tango around your ankles, you don't know how the grass cried as you flicked it into the past, I know, for I captured it you don't know how the rain of tears fall at my feet, the way each drop bounces back up with a memory spent with you you don't know how much I love you Sheesh ,,,,,,,simply ......"WOW" ... and i swore i'd never say that word in a critique ...lol P |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Maree, this is absolutely beautiful! Very very lovely! Denise |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
rests upon that aged picnic table, how I wished I was it I remember the burnt leaves of autumn, the way they swirled and danced the tango around your ankles, you don't know how the grass cried as you flicked it into the past, I know, for I captured it you don't know how the rain of tears fall at my feet, the way each drop bounces back up with a memory spent with you you don't know how much I love you ================== OH WOW is right ... Maree this is amazing poetry... ditto all the poertree said, this is such a cool poem... the whole conception of it... the process of your expression ... and the unique imagery is icing on the cake fantastic writing. take care jm |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Maree--Can I ditto Philip too...please! This is just a wow poem! |
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Lone Wolf Member Ascendant
since 2000-03-16
Posts 5842Lansing, MI USA |
Maree, This is stunning my friend. Simply awesome in every way. So beautiful and filled with a sense of peace. Loved it! Lone Wolf Poetry should surprise by fine excess...it should strike the reader as a wording of his own highest thoughts and appear almost a remembrance. -J.Keats |
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Aimster Member Elite
since 2000-02-19
Posts 4297Charlotte, NC |
maree-- this is so beautiful. you captured my attention with it beginning to end. a lovely writing full of grace and an exquisiteness that is rare. you took such simple things in a person and transformed this into one of the most beautiful love poems i've ever read. simply beautiful!! take care. ~amy~ |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Maree, everyone else has said it so well...this is beautifully written, tender, piece of art---tears are in my eyes. You are one helluva poet!!! |
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WhtDove Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-22
Posts 9245Illinois |
how I search for the pool of green in your eyes, even gum leaves fall into them from trees above, they too want to dive into the very depths of you, I know, for I captured it Angel I absolutely LOVE this! Awesome, awesome! WOW! Just melts the heart, this is beauty from within at it's best! EXCELLENT!! |
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Alle'cram Senior Member
since 2000-02-28
Posts 1816Texas |
Wow!! Every poem I click on today and I'm thinking...it doesn't get any better than this!! A great piece, a GREAT piece, Maree! Marcy |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
Did you know how very much I loved this poem Maree? Jamie Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito. - Virgil. "Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely". |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
WOW, I can't believe the response this poem has recieved, I thank you all so very much Walty, thanks my friend, a greatbighug for you too SB, thanks for the hushed wow hon it means so much Jamies, thank you so much for your lovely reply nakdthoughts, thank you so much for stopping by and reading and for your lovely reply Bill thanks so very much Jamie you are always kind with your replies thank you so much Vandana, and I appreciate it alot  Jwesley, and thats only a tiny bit of the collection thank you for your lovely reply Thank you Sven, thank you MP, I don't know what to say... You giving me such praise and a wonderful compliment has made me speechless, it means so much to me that you give this poem such praise, I thank you so very very much MP *hugs*, you almost have me in tears. *hugs* oh and you can WOW me anytime hehehe Denise thank you so much for your always lovely replies JM, wow, thank you for your lovely reply also hon, I am so glad you enjoyed it Martie, you may ditto Philip anytime, umm er as long as his reply is like the one above hehehe kidding of course, Thank you so much Martie LW, yes I did feel peace hon, I really did Thanks so much Amy, you pay me a wonderful compliment, I thank you for stopping by and reading Sista, wow hon such a lovely compliment hon, takes one to know one right? *hugs* and thank you Hi Dovey my angel of beautiful sunsets I thank you so much for your lovely reply and compliment hon Alle'cram, wow I thank you for such a lovely reply Jamie, if I didn't know it before I know it now! Thank you my sweet friend Thank you all so very very much, you lovely replies, you have left me speechless. "If my words could blanket the skies and fill every corner and crevice of this earth, still this won't be enough" "Maree Russo" |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
M this is as wonderful this morning as it was last night - in fact wonderfuller ..lol thanks for your kind words. also, neat comment from janet marie "the conception and process of expression" and the way you structure it around a small and seemingly insignificant scene helps avoid any hint at all of sameness or cliche totally totally loved it P |
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Butterflies_dont_cry Member Elite
since 2000-03-06
Posts 3733Michigan |
Maree* This is stunning..It's been a while since a poem has reached out to me like this one has. Beautiful display of your heart and soul within the weave of poetry. |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
did i mention that this is a lovely poem? |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
I don't think we made ourselves clear Philip. Jamie Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito. - Virgil. "Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely". |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
Hey Angel!...this is beautiful! The depth of the poignant reflections is marvelous... "You Don't Know" how much I loved it!! |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Sheesh Maree - P's reply nearly had ME in tears lol... this poem is worthy of his praise my dear. Hugs K |
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Aimster Member Elite
since 2000-02-19
Posts 4297Charlotte, NC |
read it again...still so beautiful! *bump* ~amy~ |
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dragonpoe Senior Member
since 2000-11-12
Posts 608Palm Bay, Florida |
Very soft and flowing with feeling. I like how you used nature to signify your love. Well written |
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Interloper
since 2000-11-06
Posts 8369Deep in the heart |
As President Lincoln said this is "far above my poor power to add or detract..." Just 1derful. |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
Oh Maree, this is such a splendrous poem... worthy of all words of praise that ever were showered ... regards, sudhir |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
Still Love It Jamie Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito. - Virgil. "Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely". |
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LilPeanut Junior Member
since 2000-11-21
Posts 26Pennsylvania, USA |
What a very vivid portrait of your emotions. You can tell you write straight from the heart. Amazing!!! I am at awe over this poem. Speechless!! I look forward to reading more of your work..as I am still new here just trying to see a little from everyone right now. But I am adding you to my list and I will be searching for more. What a wonderful poet you are. Have a wonderful day. Kelly |
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