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My Difference *help wanted*
| Open Poetry #7 |
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My Difference *help wanted* |
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Daysleeper Member
since 2000-04-23
Posts 119 |
Okay, I wrote this poem a few days ago, and I really like what I have here so far... the problem is I would like to make it several stanzas longer then it is, and yet I can't seem to get the words out. Anyone have any ideas for another verse? Thanks! ...Daysleeper... My Difference: World, pitying, empty and harsh, You've bound me from birth to you. You've beat me, bent me, broken me, While I struggle for what seems right and true. Maker of men, Breaker of hearts, Taker of souls and minds. You can't take me, I'm different. Can't you see I'm different? I'm not alone... I'm not alone. Think of me, and I'll stand beside you. Know me, I'll hold your hand. Live me, you're my difference. You're what the world can't understand. "Presently I've had enough of all your sanity." -James Kavanaugh |
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| © Copyright 2000 Elizabeth Stephens - All Rights Reserved | |||
LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
I've been sitting here for about 10 minutes trying to think of something to add to this poem, but I can't. It's beautiful the way it is. Sorry I wasn't any help!  "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." -Oscar Wilde |
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Daysleeper Member
since 2000-04-23
Posts 119 |
Aww... thanks for trying, Lovebug. I wrote several other stanzas... but I didn't like any of them enough to keep... ...Daysleeper... |
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amazon_lover Member
since 2000-04-09
Posts 491Dublin,Ireland |
I guess you're in a juncture of love and hate Based on this I'd like write a small verse Pray for me I'll be your blessing Prey on me I'll be your death kissing A wish for us to be together we'll be in love forever |
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Corinne Member Ascendant
since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167state of confusion |
I think it reads as a complete poem. However, you may want to leave it alone for a day or a week, then come back to it. Works for me. Corinne |
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7 Member
since 2000-04-26
Posts 113Amherst, MA, USA |
Lovely. It reads like a song. I think if you feel the need to make it longer, it might be fitting to be a bit repetitive (but stay away from just saying the same thing three times; rather, use the same rhythm, beginning of phrase, rhyme, etc.). I would love to see the revision!  7 |
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Daysleeper Member
since 2000-04-23
Posts 119 |
Thanks for the advice, guys. I do think I'm going to leave it alone for a while, then see if I still want to mess with it, although I really like amazon_lover's verse... |
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