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Open Poetry #8
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Star Dance Haiku
| Open Poetry #8 |
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Star Dance Haiku |
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Honeybee Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-26
Posts 5372Ontario, CANADA 
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I like this haiku, does the last line fit well? ~*STAR DANCE HAIKU*~ Oh radiant star performing your dreamy dance soft thoughts of romance *By Melissa Honeybee* |
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| © Copyright 2000 Melissa P. Long-Monette - All Rights Reserved | |||
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
WOW a haiku as well. Woman you are on a roll tonight. the last line is perfect. beautiful and magical. ------------------------ "Take nothing but pictures. Leave nothing but footprints. Kill nothing but time". Baltimore Grotto "To be nobody-but-yourself-in a world which is doing its best night and day, to make you everybody else - means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting." E.E Cummings. Faster- manic street preachers I am an architect, they call me a butcher I am a pioneer, they call me primitive I am purity, they call me perverted Holding you but I only miss these things when they leave I am idiot drug hive, the virgin, the tattered and the torn Life is for the cold made warm and they are just lizards Self-disgust is self-obsession honey and I do as I please A morality obedient, only to the cleansed repented *I am stronger than Mensa, Miller and Mailer I spat out Plath and Pinter I am all the things that you regret A truth that washes that learnt how to spell The first time you see yourself naked you cry Soft skin now acne, foul breath, so broken He loves me truly this mute solitude I'm draining I know I believe in othing but it is my nothing Sleep can't hide the thoughts splitting through my mind Shadows aren't clean, false mirrors too many people awake If you stand up like a nail then you will be knocked down I've been too honest with myself I should have lied like everybody else * chorus So damn easy to cave in, man kills everything (x4) ----- |
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Corinne Member Ascendant
since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167state of confusion |
A lovely Haiku! Corinne |
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Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Melissa~ I hope you know how much I enjoy reading your Haiku. You have a gift for it. Well done - and the lines are perfect. Love ya' ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ noles1@totcon.com |
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SpitFire Member Elite
since 2000-04-19
Posts 2396 |
~Melissa,...this is perfection. Truly a beautacious (sp) read. hehe. Oh thank you for it. *Peace. |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
Beautiful indeed! Loved it.  Je t'aime plus qu'hier et moins que demain." I love you more than yesterday and less than tomorrow (unkown) |
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Honeybee Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-26
Posts 5372Ontario, CANADA |
Thank you everyone! Take care, Melissa Honeybee |
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Aimster Member Elite
since 2000-02-19
Posts 4297Charlotte, NC |
Melissa~ does the last line fit? oh i'd say the last line cinches this poem and makes it the little gem that it is. exquisite writing my friend. take care. amy "Don't be dismayed at goodbyes. A farewell is before you can meet again. And meeting again after a moment or a lifetime is certain for those who are friends." "Fate exists but it can only take you so far, Because once you're there It's up to you to make it happen." |
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Cerenity Member Elite
since 2000-02-16
Posts 2637Escondido-California |
Hi Melissa This is just lovely, and every thing fits perfect. Love, Cerenity |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Whew...you're becoming a master of Haiku, there's a big market for it you know? Nice work |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
how could i miss this?LOL a beauty as always |
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Butterflies_dont_cry Member Elite
since 2000-03-06
Posts 3733Michigan |
OOOOOH I love these!! You are a pro at them too! |
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Dawn Eclipse Senior Member
since 2000-01-31
Posts 637The Horsehead Nebula |
I love Haiku's, and one about the stars is even better! great job! "Even a fool knows you can't touch the stars, but it doesn't stop a wise man from trying." Harry Anderson, "Night Court" *Cassandra Roseen* |
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SEA
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
Melissa~ I admire yor talent with the Haiku's! This is beautiful! -SEA |
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linda munday Member
since 2000-06-17
Posts 315Adelaide, Australia |
Haiku... the last line is fine... clap it out, the rhythm is there... good haiku.. it takes special talent to get so much into 17 syllables. |
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White Knight Member
since 2000-03-14
Posts 92 |
Melissa, MAGNIFICO! You SHINE! Leave as is, This third line! The White Knight [This message has been edited by White Knight (edited 06-21-2000).] |
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