navwin » Archives » Open Poetry #6 » They have passed here
Open Poetry #6
Post A Reply Post New Topic They have passed here Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
jbowie
Member
since 2000-02-18
Posts 135
BANGOR (that OR) ME

0 posted 2000-03-11 11:41 PM


An angry rodent,
eyes darting about, sees,
filthy dirt, grimy
and trod upon
Murky water,
deadly to drink
Sunstroked trees
withering in a barren forest,
peeling bark
Stench-filled air
acid to breath
Humans were here,
they left their mark

© Copyright 2000 James Bowie - All Rights Reserved
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
1 posted 2000-03-11 11:47 PM


Oh, those dirty rats! Great twist. We do indeed leave our mark, don't we? Excellent.
EagleScorpion
Senior Member
since 2000-03-08
Posts 1644
Here, Now, Forever
2 posted 2000-03-12 02:28 AM


Nice piece, fellow rodent
Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648

3 posted 2000-03-12 06:48 PM


Whose worse, the rodents or the humans?...great turnabout, James!

Denise

Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA
4 posted 2000-03-12 07:02 PM


Indeed!!!


Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
5 posted 2000-03-12 07:46 PM


They're rats I tell you.
Dirty rotten rats.
Call the exterminator !

Interesting read.
~*Marge*~


 ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com


bboog
Member
since 2000-02-29
Posts 303
Valencia, California
6 posted 2000-03-12 08:00 PM


I like the idea of this poem, maybe retitle it~ Humans Have Passed Here. Also maybe consider adding asbestos, lead-based paint and a few aluminum cans?
Your call.
bboog

jbowie
Member
since 2000-02-18
Posts 135
BANGOR (that OR) ME
7 posted 2000-03-12 10:30 PM


Bboog - yeah I should have added a bunch of other junk but was just keeping it simple

and maybe the title could change but I left Humans out of the title cause the point was to make a twist of it.

Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Open Poetry #6 » They have passed here

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary