»
Discussion
»
pipTalk Lounge
»
Now I REALLY need you guys, please...
| pipTalk Lounge |
|
Now I REALLY need you guys, please... |
|
catalinamoon
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543The Shores of Alone 
|
I am sitting here in tears over this for the thousandth time, and I guess its not going to work out with this man, as he just told me he doesn't feel like I do, though he cares, more as a friend, and bla bla bla. Same stuff as last year, but at least he waited till I left this time to say it. I guess he must really mean it, but WHY?? How do someones feelings change so much? I can't find my place in life anymore, I have loved him for so damn long, and he does agree we used to have something special, but its not there anymore on his part. OMG how the hell do you deal with this? I am really at a loss, I cannot believe he just wrote this to me. I am not fully lacking in self esteem, but this can make me wonder, what is wrong with me?? I tried to make his time with me beautiful, any mans fantasy (as best as I can be), and its not good enough. So there you go, I am being a needy friend again, honestly, anyone that could give me an email or something, anything, to hang on to right now would be a big help. Luv you all Sandra |
||
| © Copyright 2001 Sandra - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
RSWells Member Elite
since 2001-06-17
Posts 2533 |
Put yourself first. As selfish as that may sound who else will? Build your Love of self to the point that no other can do this to you. Know yourself to the point that the callous dismissal by another won't send you scurrying for a fault in you. People are attracted to a strong person and invariably take advantage of a needy one. You'll be fine kid. "Happy people have no history" - French Proverb |
||
|
catalinamoon
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543The Shores of Alone |
Thanks Richard, I don't feel alright, but I imagine it will come. S |
||
|
Tracey Member Elite
since 2001-08-29
Posts 2808where insanity meets breeding |
What Richard says is very true. Words of wisdom. Now, one e-mail coming up Sandra If she who dies with the most toys wins, then can I have some toy boys please? [This message has been edited by Tracey (edited 10-24-2001).] |
||
|
Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
look in the mirror. . . breathe. . . look again. . . now, send me an e-mail and tell me what you see. . . I know what I see. . .  ------------------------------------------------------- To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world. |
||
|
hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
Don't try to be a man's fantasy... find one who has been fantasizing about you all along.... I know it sounds syrupy, corny, and probably impossible... but changing yourself or trying to be something for anyone will only end in misery... I eat only sleep and air -Nicole Blackman |
||
Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
Email on the way, and Richard is right too! |
||
|
Krawdad Member Elite
since 2001-01-03
Posts 2597 |
Sorry to hear about all of this, Cat. Sounds like this has been a long time brewing, so there is a lot we don't know, and we probably shouldn't try to answer your rhetorical? questions directly. But your comments do suggest a couple of responses. I'll send an e-mail. "As soon as the generals and the politicos can predict the motions of your mind, lose it." Wendell Berry |
||
|
catalinamoon
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543The Shores of Alone |
Thank you for the comments and understanding. Let me clarify one thing. I don't think I have to be a fantasy for a man, I just feel that when so much love is present(on one side anyway), that you do everything you can to bring happiness to that person. I don't think really I did anything wrong at all, except give him another chance, because I couldn't believe his professed changes a year ago. And he had seemed to change back, but it was false, and I blew it by wanting to believe so badly. Anyway, I appreciate all of your thoughts, and I guess someday the so called right person will love me as I love him, but I sure as hell am sick of waiting. Love you all Sandra |
||
|
Startime Member Ascendant
since 2000-10-03
Posts 5918Canada |
Oh gosh, Sandra, my heart goes out to you. Very hard questions. An email in on its way. ***hugs*** |
||
|
serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
No advice. Just a shoulder to lean on should you need me. Love to you Sandra. |
||
|
doreen peri Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812Virginia |
sandra....... being in Love so deeply is a very important thing. It's extremely painful to hear when the other person's feelings have changed and it's very hard to accept when you still feel them so strongly. There are sometimes no explanations and any amount of trying to analyze what happened and why, can make things worse because you dig yourself in, over analyzing everything that was said, every encounter, and when you come to no conclusions because there are none, really, you end up blaming yourself. Believe me, this is not a good thing to do. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with you. You are a beautiful woman with a beautiful tender caring heart, a Poet and a giver. Know that first and formost. Then, although it's oh so hard and painful, try to move on by keeping your mind and time occupied by giving to yourself. Cry. Let it out. Write it down. Whatever you need to do. Accusations and continued questioning of why doesn't help, either, it just makes things worse. There's a lot to be said about old adages. They become old adages because they have some basic truths to them. "If you love someone enough, set them free. If the love is meant to be, it will come back to you". (is that how it goes? ... something like that) Time is the greatest healer. Expressing yourself is a great healer, too, as you are doing here and in your poetry. Loving yourself and giving to yourself the little beauties of life will help fill the gaps until one day you wake up and you realize that you didn't even think of him all day yesterday. One step at a time. One day, you'll wake up and realize that you haven't thought about him for a week, and then a month. It's progressive. In the meantime, you are loving yourself so much and taking all the energy you gave to that person and giving it to yourself instead, focusing inwardly instead of out...... and you actually will start feeling good about things. How do you give to yourself? Well, what do you love to do? What parts of love fulfill your spirit? Do you like movies? Art galleries? Eating at an outdoor cafe? Drawing or painting? Concerts? Music? Treat yourself special. For just a moment think of all the things that you could have someone give you..... all those little beauties of life ..... walks in the park, little gifts, a weekend away at the beach. Whatever. Then, you be the person to give them to yourself. A little at a time. It's won't be easy. It never is. But as I said, one day, after you take the time to nurture your own spirit and soul, to give to yourself.... you'll realize you don't "need" the love which is now past. And yes, the right man will come along to love you. I know that from deep within my soul. Even though I only know you from your poetry and responses, I see a beautiful giving kind gentle spirtual caring woman with a lot of love inside of you to give. He'll come along. And when he does, you'll think back to now and you'll say to yourself, I'm so glad I was able to move on because otherwise I would have never found this True Love. You will find it. But it will happen. Not when you're seeking it out, but instead when you're giving yourself all you deserve. Sandra..... never ever believe that it is weak to express your heart and feelings. If you are a person who can feel so strongly and deeply, it is a special gift. Think of this love you have shared with this man as a gift, too. Whatever you got from it will always be with you. It is yours, forever. AND, although his feelings have changed, it is also his forever. He will remember you always and you will always be in his heart. Each of you has learned something special and precious and has grown from loving each other. From 1Corinthians 13: "Love is patient and kind; it is not jealous or conceited or proud; love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable; love does not keep a record of wrongs; love is not happy with evil, but is happy with the truth." If you love unselfishly and with your full heart, unconditionally, it is all good! It may not last forever and if it doesn't, he was not the right one for you. I have a friend who says, "For every new love, we grow an entire new heart". You have loved this man with your whole heart and you feel it missing from your chest right now. But believe me, you WILL be able to give your whole heart to someone else in the future who will be right for you, without taking anything away from what you experienced with this man. Ok, I've really rambled here. I hope this has helped even if only in some small way. There are things I know. My life is no example, that's for sure, but with every day and every new thing I learn, I know, I too will find the Love i deserve and it will be beautiful. You see? I was talking to myself here, too. To have loved so deeply........ is something to be cherished. Consider yourself lucky. Some people never ever feel that deep kind of love because they close their feelings up inside them and they are scared to let their feelings be known. Never be scared of that. Love with the entirety of you. Believe that it is not only OK to give and feel so deeply but that it is the passion of life that so many miss. Let yourself hurt and heal and know you are strong for expressing yourself and for doing so. Then, go out and dance!! Hell, he may be the DJ.   (((((hugs)))))) |
||
|
Magnus
since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135South Carolina, USA |
Hope you enjoyed my poem....It is for you and others... Hang in there. |
||
|
Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Way to go, Doreen... |
||
|
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
You've had some sound advice. Now, give any or all of it a go. You'll come out on top! |
||
|
The Lady of Shallot Senior Member
since 2001-10-03
Posts 818USA |
well, I sure can't top what Doreen said, that was beautiful. Main thing? Don't be bitter, sure sometimes we are angry for awhile, but know that the love you felt and expressed for this person meant something and that it makes you a stronger, better woman. You can't make anyone love you, no matter how hard we try. The only thing you can do is keep the friendship if that's what you want, but sometimes that's too painful and people could still go on hurting. Sometimes a clean break is needed for both people. Main thing is don't allow yourself to believe that this is the ONLY person for you, believe me, it's not., there are billions of people in the world. I know that sounds lame. A lot of good men out there, he'll find you. ((((((hug))))) -befriend yourself and you will never be alone- |
||
|
nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
You know what, after what I have been through with just one man, I have decided I am not going to try to please anyone...if his being in my presence doesn't please him in and of itself, then nothing I do will satisfy that need to feel loved. It may seem too simple, but if someone is to love me, then they should love me as I am first, for who I am and not what I can do to make them happy. hugssss Sandra, Maureen "For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
