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Elizabeth

Moderator

Member Ascendant

since 1999-06-07

Posts 6871
Minnesota

0 posted 1999-06-17 07:33 PM

I want to hear your opinions on sexual harassment-what it is, what ought to be done about it, etc. I have plenty to say, but I want others' opinions first. Thanks.

Alicat
Member Elite

since 1999-05-23

Posts 4094
Coastal Texas

1 posted 1999-06-18 01:52 AM

Well, Elizabeth, I've been slammed for this many times.

By the Politically Correct definition, it comes down to anything a member of the opposite sex (primarily female) finds offensive. This can and does include jokes not made to or about her, but which she overhears, evesdrops, catches in passing, or through third-hand knowledge. As a male, I have been subjected to correctional matters, primarily a video tape on sexual harassment which I found very offensive, as it routinely slammed the male gender up until the very end, where the spokelady said that some women do this as well...but it portrayed men--all men--as sick, twisted, perverted sexual predators that should be neutered at best. As I am by nature a fun-loving person who loves to see people smile, this severely curtailed this activity, as I was not allowed to make any joke for fear of it being misconstrued. The event which I was noted for was not even one of those 'lewdities' mentioned on the tape...someone had merely inquired as to what I wear under my kilt, the questioner also being of Scottish descent and wondering the correct protocol for wearing kilts.
But I digress.
Basically, sexual harassment is ANYTHING that you don't like coming from another person. That is how broad the defition has become.

Alicat

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Le Jongleur Aspirante

Poet deVine

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-26

Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley

2 posted 1999-06-18 07:15 AM

I also have been slammed for this. In fact our lunch group was reprimanded by the Human Resources Department! We boycotted the cafeteria for a week! Someone overheard our conversation and complained.

If we had continued, it would have been sexual harrassment.

I agree with Alicat..sexual harrassment is any sexual reference that is directed to you, that you overhear or that is written down in an e-mail or something.

Sage
New Member

since 1999-06-16

Posts 7
Yucaipa, California, USA

3 posted 1999-06-18 02:52 PM

WELL... What do I say... Obviously I can't let myself overlook such a subject, I just wouldn't feel right...

(And um... Well, As you can see I love those three dots there (what were they called again? Elipias or something?))

Anyway, about Sexual Harassment... I think the whole thing is being blown out of proportion. When one thinks about harassment they (for the most part) think constant, eg. not a one time thing, or even twice, but on a regular basis, and after the harasser has been told by the harassed that they don't like it and to stop. Am I correct? At least that's always been my perception. Today, one can get a sexual harassment suit strapped against them for saying that the opposite sex has a nice body... What the heck? I thought that was a complement! Let's be a little more specific, say a man tells a woman that she's got a nice butt, he's probably just complementing her (Or... Well... the other reason is obvious) and by no means is he meaning to embarass or harass the lady in any way. Joking around today has been blown way out of context. Today, a sexual joke about another person (that's OBVIOUSLY a joke (eg. Stated Sarcastically)) can be a sexual harassment case in a few quick phone calls. Let's ask ourselves... WHAT IS SEXUAL HARASSMENT?

Well... Hmm... Say some guy's at school pants you (supposing your a girl). Is that sexual harassment? IMHO not necessarily... For one thing, the guys are most likely immature still, and curious, and kind of joking around. It shouldn't turn into sexual harassment until several things occur. 1. MAKE absolutely sure that the guys (or even girls... I've seen that once or twice in PE back in Junior High school (heck, it was a regular occurance for both sexes (and carried a heavy penalty, but who cared (((me)))))) Know... Make SURE they know. Sure, it rarely works, but at least they know. Next, tell someone who isn't going to try and pressure you to sue or thow the guy in jail... Someone who will talk to the guy (or girl) and tell them to stop. 3. Be PERSISTANT, if it happens a second time, tell someone who might threaten the guy (or girl) with the penalties of Sexual Harassment, but do nothing. On the third time, then consider it sexual Harassment, you've done your best to get the person to stop, and there is little more you can do.

And PoetDevine... An overheard conversation??? That's private, nobody should be listening anyway! One thing I know a lot about overhearing things as well, when you overhear something, you're probably not getting the whole story... Sometimes a previous conversation comes into play, or an inside joke comes up. Just about anything can be taken the wrong way when you overhear something, so what buisness does someone have pinning this on you. None. And that's the bottom line. Especially if it was simply overheard, and nobody was informed of the offense (thus allowing you to defend the comment, or cease the line of speaking).

Anyway I think I've said my peace (Hmm.. I'm always getting told I don't know when to shut up, or that the only story I can tell is a long one... I think it's true

) Anyway, thank you all for your time, and good luck to you.

------------------
-Love is a dangerous emotion,
You can brighten the lives of others immensly with it,
Or You can destroy a person in a way that is unparalleled.

S.M.

Elizabeth

Moderator

Member Ascendant

since 1999-06-07

Posts 6871
Minnesota

4 posted 1999-06-18 04:17 PM

All right, I'll start now. I agree with Sage that the whole sexual harassment thing is being blown WAY out of proportion! Today, if a guy makes any kind of comment that is even remotely sexual, he can have a big case blown up against him like that. If a girl does not like the way a guy is acting, it is up to her to tell him to stop. She needs to make sure that he knows she doesn't like his actions. It is ridiculous to file a complaint against a guy because you don't like one comment he makes. Or hasn't made! Sometimes girls totally misconstrue a statement, whether accidentally or not, and file a complaint.

Another problem with the sexual harassment thing is: Some guys just might not be able to tell. Now if a guy has repeatedly asked a girl out, and she repeatedly says "No", is she making herself absolutely clear? If she is giving the excuse, "I've got plans," and stuff like that, how is the guy able to tell she doesn't want to date him? And some girls play "hard to get", saying "No" and meaning "Yes". They ought to say what they mean! It's very, very easy to get misunderstood if you don't give an honest, clear answer.

I have seen some girls walk around in clothes that are meant to turn heads (you know, the short shorts and midriff tops) and then complain about guys checking them out. If they wouldn't dress like that, guys wouldn't look at them! People can't have it both ways.

Sorry to hear that you've gotten slammed for this, Alicat. People today are just too sensitive. I am sick of guys getting slammed if they look in a girl's direction, whereas a girl can get away with doing whatever the heck she wants to a guy. I've seen both happen! So much of this would not happen if everyone wasn't so darn touchy these days.

Still want to hear your opinions, everyone, so keep posting. Thank you Alicat, Poet deVine, and Sage for your comments.

fjones
Member

since 1999-06-07

Posts 98
MS

5 posted 1999-06-18 08:33 PM

I know every woman is not of strong character but as for me I would not consider anything as being sexual harassment. I would call any offense by its name –a bother, an idiot making a fool of himself,or just someone with bad taste. Against all these I can take care of myself. I do not need a law to put a pervert in his place.

[This message has been edited by fjones (edited 06-18-99).]

elvira
Senior Member

since 1999-07-06

Posts 936
California

6 posted 1999-07-06 11:29 PM

[This message has been edited by elvira (edited 08-22-99).]

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

7 posted 1999-07-07 02:38 PM

I am having a terrible time keeping the smirk off my face over all of the comments on sexual harassment. So I am sure that most of you will find the following to contain a bit of humor:

I am a paralegal. Guess which field I work in? You got it...Civil Rights, Sexual Harassment, etc.

As part and parcel of working in a law office, we also get to undergo bi-annual evaluations. [You would think they would speak out sooner if they had a problem then every six months...] It's usually a "feel-good time", at least, in my instance. And NO, it's not THAT kind of feel good time.

I digress. At this last evaluation I was asked "Outside of attorney So-and-So and his usual and normal propensity to harass everyone in general, have you had any problems with sexual harassment?" That they would exclude the ONE attorney who harasses everyone [staff attorneys, male/female alike] equally left me giggling in my seat!

Some of you are all grown up and have mastered the complexities [or some of them] of human nature at its best...and at its worst. I think it is wisdom itself that we all know where the ESCAPE button is.

Thanks for allowing my two cents.

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Sunshine

Words will always express our feelings true.
KRJ

sea_of_okc
Senior Member

since 1999-06-15

Posts 568
Oklahoma City, OK, USA

8 posted 1999-07-07 04:16 PM

What did you say Sunshine???? "feel-good time"???? I am terribly offended... hey, can I file a grievance???? LMAO Most of the cases are utterly ridiculous. My last boss got written up b/c he sent a humorous card to a lady at work that he thought was pretty and she complained to HR. I thought the card was very funny and not at all in bad taste. She could have just told him she wasn't interested instead of whining to HR. I mean honestly! Some people are just way too uptight about sexual matters.

Oh and by the way I can't get dinged for posting in the adult forum can I?????

[This message has been edited by sea_of_okc (edited 07-07-99).]

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