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Fair weather friends
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Fair weather friends |
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Kevin Rose Member
since 2000-11-20
Posts 64Liverpool UK |
I think you all know the people I am talking about. The people when you are in a good mood want to be around, and make you their saviour, they lean on you when they need your suppoert and thake all the strength you can offer... then as soon as your life turns to dirt they dont have the time for you, claiming they cant help and you are just being petty, and cant understand that the rock they leaned on when they needed it may have their own problems. I would even advance this to fair weather partners as well, who as soon as the going gets a little tough wrap themselves up and distance themselves from your problems, until eventually they are more harm than good. I have had my fill of them and it is making me way too synical, I just dont feel like helping anyone any more. Why should I give my effort when people just dont give it back. Well, thats my gripe. |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
I wrote this once because I felt as you do... Pillar To Pillars One And All I used to be that PILLAR, standing so tall and erect. No matter what the problem, I was always there to direct. A shoulder needed to lean on ... Advice to give and share ... But whatever happened when I needed, that special someone to care? For years and years my friends would come, no matter if night or day. I was always here for them. And here they could always stay. A house burned down ... A divorce that's new ... A death in the family ... A babysitter, too. I don't know when it happened. And I don't yet understand. How can they leave me stranded? I feel like I'm second-hand. Do you think it's because they can't bare the thought of seeing their PILLAR fall? But they could help me stay erect, if they really cared at all. So 'CHEERS', to all you PILLARS, and I will now be the first, to thank you all for caring and dealing with the worst. I've heard it said somewhere, I think, that if you're the PILLAR to your friends, the day you need one for yourself, is the day your friendship ends! 1/24/99 just reminded me of how easy it is to be forgotten when it really counts... ~Wynter < !signature--> "The worst prison would be a closed heart". ...Pope John Paul II [This message has been edited by nakdthoughts (edited 11-29-2000).] |
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Ron
Administrator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-05-19
Posts 8669Michigan, US |
quote: If you're going to help people so they can help you in return, I suspect you should talk to a lawyer and get a legally binding contract. That's probably the only way to keep it completely fair. If you're going to help people so they can show their appreciation and make you feel good, you'll need to be very selective. I suggest finding those most able to put voice to their feelings, and those with the social graces to understand the advantage of showing gratitude. I know I'm being facetious, and I certainly don't mean to suggest, Kevin, that you personally only help people when it serves your purposes. But I think it's important that friendship and the concept of helping others should never become commodities, to be bartered at what happens to be the going rate. Continue to extend your hand to others, but expect nothing in return save the knowledge you have made the world a little better place. And when enough people follow that path, everyone will always find the help and support they need. p.s. There should be an apostrophe in the word "don't." It doesn't really bother me, Kevin, but it seems some people find improper punctuation a little unsettling.  |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
My philosophy: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you...and if they don't follow that, then it's ok..I am true to who I am. If someone is my friend only in times of trouble, and I can help them, then when things are better, they ignore me..well.that's ok too. It's not THEIR attitude I have to worry about. It's MINE! And I never stoop to someone's level.. to thine own self be true... |
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RainbowGirl Member Elite
since 1999-07-31
Posts 3023United Kingdom |
Well said Sharon and Ron... Kevin: I guess there is a small part of us that hopes or expects that our friends will always be there for us in times of trouble but you know, even if they aren't it's not always because they don't care but sometimes they can't deal with the extra load, maybe their life is worse than ours right now.. I think the nicest thing about helping someone else is the feeling it gives *you* that you helped in some small way...listening being the biggest of all....most times people don't want or need to be told or given advice on what to do about a certain situation, they really just need to let loose.... So long as you can think to yourself that you behaved in a way that you would want other to behave towards you then that's all that matters really.... True friends: walk every path with us but sometimes they're invisible, sometimes they actually share our shoes and now and then they keep our shadows warm so we don't get lonely... HUGS |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Kevin... I think I know exactly what you're trying to say. You've been there for others, and you always hope that they'll be there for you. When that doesn't happen, you personalize it, and it drags you down, because you think perhaps you aren't worthy of their support. It can be a never-ending cycle, unless you realize sometimes people are just too busy, thoughtless and selfish, or don't care...that it's not about you. I agree with Ron and Sharon, too, about helping others without expectations. The golden rule is the way to go, although it can be frustrating when others don't do the same. Just remember it's not about you, it's about them. Kris All good poetry is the spontaneous overflow of powerful feelings...~William Wordsworth |
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Kevin Rose Member
since 2000-11-20
Posts 64Liverpool UK |
Believe it or not I agree with you, and I do believe that giving suppoert and friendship needs no reward as it is reward in itself. nakd: your poem explains the situation perfectly. well said. Ron: My help is unconditional and freely given. I am the person wher if I see someone stranded at the end of a night out, I see them home at my own expence. If someone calls me for help I am there, If someone just needs to forget and have a good time, I am the one that makes them laugh. The act of helping is reward in itself. I have always had thet philosophy and always will have. Unfortunately your last line says a lot: "And when enough people follow that path, everyone will always find the help and support they need." The truth is not enough people follow that path because the support is not there when I need it. I think my present cynicism is from the fact that I have been having a hard time of it for a couple of weeks, and there has been no support. I am pretty conditioned to that fact, but yesterday was my birthday. Normally when I am in a good mood and being a social butterfly, there would have been a lot of people tagging along, enjoying celebrations, and generally being there. Because that is not the case I didn't receive a single card or call from anyone who wasnt a direct blood relative. So it goes further than just not being there for support, it goes as far as not even being there for celebration and socialising, when support may be involved. In that situation it is hard not to personalise it. Yes, my reaction is my problem, but I think it has a certain amount of justification given the circumstances. Thanks for taking the time out to respond! |
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WhtDove Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-22
Posts 9245Illinois |
I agree with what Ron and Sharon said. I also know where you're coming from. It just plain hurts when you need it and no one is there for you. But then I guess that really shows us who our real friends are. Kind of like drugs ya know? Those in need are friends indeed. When the fun and the handing out stop, they go away. I would suggest choosing some new friends. But I also agree in the fact that, we are to give freely without expectation, out of the kindness of our heart. You've given, and expected nothing, but if they're only around for the fun, then I would suggest not depending on them too much for any kind of support. Everyone needs someone, but it doesn't mean you have to be walked on either. And btw HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! Hope it all works out. [This message has been edited by WhtDove (edited 11-30-2000).] |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
I do sympathize...and I agree with all here too. But...you can't give someone what you don't have. If you are feeling like this, then you need to take the time to take care of YOU. Find something that your soul can feed on and DO IT. And hey...I've got a couple of ears if ya need to talk. |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Hi kevin, what is it, the fuel crisis, the weather or just john prescott?? .....  but seriously Happy Birthday... i'm kinda the opposite to you, i don't get cards from blood relatives, just friends ..lol......oh and lots from Sharon as well pay attention Elizabeth ... A BIRTHDAY !!! got it noted down ?? philip |
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Honeybee Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-26
Posts 5372Ontario, CANADA |
Kevin: An excellent post, I think that all of us have felt this way about some of our less "loyal" friends. In fact, it always seemed to me that I was always the rock for my friends, sacrificng myself to make them happy, to comfort them and to help them out, but when I needed some help, they just didn't care leading me to believe that they were using me. So, I did something about it, I made the difficult decision of cutting off some friendships because I realized that they were not true friends to begin with. And, I'm the type of person who is very giving, I would even give my last piece of bread and starve just so I could help someone who was hungry. So ending some of my friendships was an extremely difficult decision for me to make, but it was for the best and I am so much happier for doing so. Today, I am proud to say that all of my friends are REAL friends, that they can count on me and I can count on them. If, Kevin, you truly feel that some of your friends are "fair weather friends" then you must make the same decision I made because they are only vexations to your soul. You deserve better! I'm not telling anyone to just cast friends aside, but if you feel that they are only your "friend" for selfish reasons then you need to get those people out of your life.Naked thoughts: You wrote a perfect poem on this topic! Take care, Melissa Honeybee< !signature--> The beauty of poetry gives my soul wings to fly free within dreams [This message has been edited by Melissa Honeybee (edited 11-30-2000).] |
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Kevin Rose Member
since 2000-11-20
Posts 64Liverpool UK |
thanks again for the posts. WhtDove. you couldn't say a truer word. I do need a few new friends. I have a feeling I am in the process of making them on this site! Serenity, thanks for the offer of a listening ear. I cant stress that enough. Poertree: Every time I read a post from you I smile. have you any idea how irritating that is when you are trying to be morose and self pitying? Thanks for putting it into perspective... (and it's the fuel prices by the way) Melissa: Sound advice. There are a few friendships I am having to look at very closely now. I too hate to do it, becaue I dont get to meet very many people, so I really feel the pain of losing even one single friend. There are some though that have continually leaned on me, and claimed to be like a brother to me, but when push came to shove, they shoved.. in the wrong direction. I do have to weigh the pros and cons and decide if I really want these people as friends. I certainly get the feeling that I am on the verge of making a lot more friend on here... that is the main posotive I see at the moment... and don't worry people, i am not always morose! normally I am quite amusing.. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Well........those kind of people are just not worth the time of day. I really just try to emphasize on TRUE FRIENDS. The rest are just for laughs and stuff. Anyway, when im down in the dumps i just encase myself within this bubble and work on my problems before i try and aid others. Anyway yea.......incoherent rambling is my speciality.....yep yep  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them! |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
quote: ... kevin have YOU any idea what you just did for my ego?! ..... I love ya thanks and it's Philip btw [This message has been edited by Poertree (edited 11-30-2000).] |
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