It just isn't fair - pipTalk Forums

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Poetic Dreams
Junior Member

since 1999-10-23

Posts 23
Lindsa, OKlahoma United States

0 posted 1999-10-30 09:01 PM

When I was a child I was abused.
My grandfather made me feel used.
No one about it.
Until one night I told.
I wasn't that old, so
They didn't believe me.
When I was 4 is started, lasted
Till I was 9.
Everyone thought I was fine
Until I broke down and started to cry.
My friends said I was acting strange.
But they didn't know my pain.
My mind was gone and my expressions had drained.
We went on trail,
newpapers found out,
Everything went on file.
The rumors started to spread.
No one knew what I was going through,
They didn't think to stop, they didn't even dread.
When the trails where through they said he wasn't fit to be in jail
He isn't stable they say,
So I thought I had failed.
They sentenced to a instatution, where
they said they he would get help
But nothing could help.
He took my childhood memories
Turned them into nightmares.
It just isn't fair.

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~Once it is said it can't be forgotten, but can always be forgiven~

Maitay
Member

since 1999-07-16

Posts 158
Sisters,OR,USA

1 posted 1999-10-30 09:22 PM

That same thing happened to my sisters, but I was too young so they found out what he was doing before he got to me (we think, i was to young to remember). Anyways, from living with so many victims of this crime I know what you are going through. I hope you can make it through, even though the memories haunt you, I hope you know that everyone here likes your poetry and that we hope you're ok. Hope everyothing is good for you, and I really like the poem, the way taht you were strong enough to write about something so sad...

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~The price of finding love is to eventually lose it. When I wish on a falling star, I wish not for material goods but to show kindness to others and be content with what the world may offer me~

~Maitay Mirabel Litton~

Systematic Decay
Senior Member

since 1999-09-15

Posts 1301
That place with padded walls and funny people in white.........

2 posted 1999-10-30 11:37 PM

Abuse ia an ugly, ugly thing. sorry to hear it happened to you.

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"Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage."
-Billy Corgan-

Poetic Dreams
Junior Member

since 1999-10-23

Posts 23
Lindsa, OKlahoma United States

3 posted 1999-10-31 01:31 AM

Thanx guys. This poetry forum has helped me alot. I can express my feelings and get feedback. Thanx again. Maitay thanx for saying that. I really appreciate it. Tell your sister I know what she is going through and I feel her pain.
Love,
Poetic Dreams

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~Once it is said it can't be forgotten, but can always be forgiven~

Marilyn
Member Elite

since 1999-09-26

Posts 2621
Ontario, Canada

4 posted 1999-10-31 01:44 AM

I am sorry you ever had to suffer something like this. As a parent I feel the outrage and wish I could have protected you. I would love to get my hands on people that do these kinds of crimes. It would not be a pretty sight.

I wish you healing and happiness. Use the power of words to ease the pain and know that we welcome you.

Now to the question I seem to be poseing to many authors in this forum. Would you like technical thoughts on this piece?

Poetic Dreams
Junior Member

since 1999-10-23

Posts 23
Lindsa, OKlahoma United States

5 posted 1999-10-31 01:47 AM

techincal thoughts? Yes I think I would. Even though I know they are to be harsh.

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~Once it is said it can't be forgotten, but can always be forgiven~

Marilyn
Member Elite

since 1999-09-26

Posts 2621
Ontario, Canada

6 posted 1999-10-31 01:58 AM

Harsh? Me...never...just some advice...the thoughts and feelings that you have can be worded so that they completely engulf the reader in your thoughts. That is what a poet attempt to do. Pull a person from thier reality into a new one for a moment.

First comment is about the thrid line...No one about it. What does this mean? Was there supposed to be more?

The meter that you used for the first two lines was not carried through the entire piece. Was there a specific structure in mind while writing this?

When you get to the part about sharing and the trial your thoughts become scattered. To me the reader anyway. Is there a way you could smooth these out?

You began with a rhyme scheme but did not continue it.

You have the right idea and I encourage you to continue trying. If you wouldn't be offended I would work with this piece and give you an idea of what I am trying to say.

Poetic Dreams
Junior Member

since 1999-10-23

Posts 23
Lindsa, OKlahoma United States

7 posted 1999-10-31 01:02 AM

That would be wonderful if you did work with my peice it would help me so much.

About the specfic structure. It was my grandfather who did the abusing. Sexually. I tried the rhyming but it didn't work so I just let it flow.

If you would work with my peice I would be forever greatful.

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~Once it is said it can't be forgotten, but can always be forgiven~

Marilyn
Member Elite

since 1999-09-26

Posts 2621
Ontario, Canada

8 posted 1999-10-31 01:10 AM

I would be happy to..but it might be a few days before I can post anything. I have a family and job...etc. I promise I will give this my full attention and will post it here for you when I am through.

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