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One More Day .....
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One More Day ..... |
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Munda Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544The Hague, The Netherlands |
One more day and my life will end. One more day and I will have paid for my crimes. One more day and ...... and what ? I don’t know. How did I come this far ? When did my life take that one gruesome turn ? I feel the fear crawl up from my stomach to my throat where it slowly squeezes it tight until I can hardly breath. My head feels light and I cannot concentrate. I am scared. Never before have I been so scared. Memories push themselves forward from my subconscious. I don’t want them ! They are too painful. There must have been a time when I was still happy and innocent. When was that ? It seems a life time ago. I remember playing in the park with my little sister. Picking daisy’s for Mom. I still see her loving smile and feel her gentle kiss on my cheek. Why Mom ? Why did you go and leave us behind ? Why did you have to meet with God ? Was I not your little Angel ? Was I not your first born and in desperate need of your tender love and care ? And why Daddy, why, did you come to our bedroom ? I was only trying to take over Mom’s place. Trying to give you some of the love you missed so terribly, but not that kind of love. I was too young and didn’t understand a parent should not love his child this way ! I really thought it was the normal thing to do, although I didn’t like it when you hurt me, but my Daddy loved me and I was proud of it. I endured the pain of your physical loving and was a happy little girl until I heard the screams of my little sister one night. Why Daddy ? Why wasn’t I enough ? I took care of you and gave you everything you needed. Why did you have to teach me jealousy and hate too ? Yes, I hated you for hurting my little sister, but hated my little sister for taking you away from me. I used every little trick I could think of to get you back and that’s where and when my first crime started. Amy started to have all sorts of little accidents and I always made sure to convince you they truly were accidents and Amy was no more than a clumsy child. A hot cup of tea, a sharp knife, it was all too easy. Until one day I miscalculated the risk involved. I only wanted her to fall down the stairs and break an arm, or a leg, and never thought she would break her neck. We were devastated and once more we grieved. Although I hated my sister for taking my Dad away from me, I loved her dearly. She was like my own child to me. I never meant to hurt you like this, little sister. I only wanted to be loved again. You grieved Dad. You grieved beyond any measure for the loss of your youngest, but once more you needed me to take care of you and I was happy. Happy to feel needed again. Happy to take care of you. Happy to be loved by you, even though it also meant the physical pain returned, but I endured it and even welcomed the pain, because I knew it was all part of being loved and in the end I even got used to the pain. Everything could have stayed the same for many years if not for the fact I noticed that one month I didn’t have my period. Was I pregnant ? Could this be ? I was thrilled ! This would be my gift to you. A new little Amy ! I was so excited. Life would be more than complete again. I hid my pregnancy from you. I wanted to surprise you when this child was almost ready to be born. In the meantime I cherished this child as a treasure and I’d never felt this happy in my entire life. What did I know about life. I was only fourteen. You broke my heart when you discovered I was pregnant and made me give up the baby for adoption. I loved this child with everything in me and you made me give it away. After giving birth and never seeing my baby, it was a girl, that much they told me, I felt hollow and could not return to you Dad. You’d hurt me too much and I no longer felt loved by you. I gathered my things and disappeared into the night. I haven’t seen or heard from you since then. I disappeared that night with nothing more than the clothes I was wearing and some personal belongings. I had no money and as I needed a place to sleep and a bite to eat, I did the one thing I had learned very well. I knew how to please men and this time I got paid for it. Paid to please, feel loved and needed for a little while. That’s how I met you Tony. A passionate half Italian client, with only one small failing. You drank too much. Of course that was no problem. It made sure I was needed and being needed also meant I was loved. I enjoyed your company most of the time. Except when you drank too much and showed your love with your fist. Although you always made up in the morning, with apologies and tears. Which made me feel even more needed. Of course I could handle this situation. You needed me and I needed the feeling of being needed. It seemed it had become my priority to be able to live. When I became pregnant you were the sweetest man on earth and when Amy was born, yes another girl and there was never any doubt her name would be Amy, you were thrilled at first. What happened Tony ? What happened that caused the change in you ? Why did you start hurting this little girl ? You needed me, but she needed me more and God forgive me for picking up the hammer and smashing your brain, when you put out your cigarette on her little arm. Until today I do not regret saving my little girl from your torture. I remember the police came and tried to take Amy away from me. Something happened to me. Nobody, nobody could take Amy away from me ! Not again ! How did this knife end up in my hand ? Where did all this blood come from ? Why were there two people laying still on the floor ? I have no memory of what happened, only that they managed to get you away from me. My little Amy, my precious. Here I am on death row and only hours away from my execution. After 5 years of waiting for this moment, I welcome death. I no longer feel the need to be loved, nor to love, except for my two girls. I shall never see or hold you again. I shall never see your smiles or hear your voices. Never feel your wet kisses on my cheek.. Never hear you say "Mommy I love you". I do not know if you have good lives. Nobody wishes to give me any information on the whereabouts and the well being of my daughters. It doesn’t matter anymore. Soon my life will end. Here I am in my cell, with nothing more than a lock of hair from my little sister, nothing from my firstborn and a photograph from my youngest. I am tired. Tired of living my life. Tired of loving and it’s time. Time to pay for my crimes and time to find peace inside. Soon there will be darkness and with the darkness oblivion. Finally I will find peace and nobody will know. No-one will remember me, as if I were never there. It is ok. I am done with life. I am ready. What do I know about life. I am only twenty five. |
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Lost Dreamer Member Elite
since 1999-06-20
Posts 2464Somewhere near the Rainbow |
Munda, I don't know what to say, this is just a spine splitting story, you did a marvelous job on this story, gripping, shocking, overall moving are my words to describe what you have done here. Your talent shines in prose my friend.  [This message has been edited by Lost Dreamer (edited 04-02-2000).] |
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AVANTI Senior Member
since 2000-02-02
Posts 664INDIA/MAHARASHTRA/PUNE |
I've read it twice...munda...and it's haunting me alright... if that is fiction...i have to remark...you are So good!!!!you have so may sides munda... I really admire you... (((((((((((hug))))))))))) you got me crying... If all was light...then I would have never learnt the dark...from which such truth evolves from which evolves the light... Avanti Rao |
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Gene Senior Member
since 2000-01-23
Posts 935Colorado, USA |
Munda, Awesome! This is a very compelling and riveting story. You set up events which progressively worsen in a very dramatic and heart rendering way. You made it seem frightenly real. It may be fiction, but for some this is a very sad but real situation. ~Gene |
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Dusk Treader
Moderator
Senior Member
since 1999-06-18
Posts 1187St. Paul, MN |
Munda this is just an excellent piece! The simpler writing style seemed to accentuate the childishness of the character. Some acts committed within this piece left me chilled and the fact that this scenario could possibly be a reality is a frightening thought. It seems quite a telling of the lack of morals in our society. I really enjoyed this piece Munda, you're showing a lot of talent! Can't wait to see what else you'll write Abrahm Simons Put one foot on the path of life and tread the dagger's path betwixt dark and light. |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Munda: Thanks for bringing this to my attention. This is extremely well written. Are you sure English is not your first language? You commanded my attention throughout this story and I don't think I'll be forgetting it any time soon. Thank you. Jim |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
"What do I know about life. I am only twenty-five." This says volumes here Munda. A wonderful way to wrap up an interesting "story." Reads like a letter to the key figures in your life. Definitely the feel of purging with this one. Bravo on your first foray into prose. A well written piece, whether true or ficticious! |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Munda, Jim said I should read this, and I am sure glad he did. The emotional impact was heart-rending! Tears fall now, as I'm typing...you touched on so many different kinds of tragedies that happen to girls and young women, and how it can twist their minds... affect their entire life. (I want to analyze this so badly, but I promised I wouldn't do that anymore.) Wonderful job, Munda...it takes imagination (and lots of it) to put yourself into the character's head. Kristine the poet's pen...gives to airy nothing A local habitation and a name ~ Shakespeare |
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ESP Member Elite
since 2000-01-25
Posts 2556Floating gently on a cloud.... |
Munda....this had me in tears. What a story...for so many it is reality. It is chilling. You have a major talent. This is an amazing piece. Love and hugs, Lizzie  |
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Munda Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544The Hague, The Netherlands |
Oh dear, I feel overwhelmed with all your words of praise. I tried to write a story of "what could have been" and it seems I accomplished that. I never meant to make anybody cry or awake feelings of hurt. If I did, I apologize. Thank you all for reading and replying. I shall try again. |
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JOY 14 Senior Member
since 1999-09-22
Posts 1419Wisconsin USA |
Don't apologize Munda. You made me cry, but that was because it was so powerful, and such a real story. So good. I agree. Your last lines..."What do I know about life. I am only twenty five." She must be thinking how could it have been if only.., must be thinking, I'll never know because my life will be over before I ever had a chance to live. Joy |
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Munda Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544The Hague, The Netherlands |
Thank you Joy. You're words are very much appreciated. |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Wow! Munda, this is magnificent! You are certainly a very talented writer. This is excellent and captivating and moving. Denise |
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jfreak Member
since 1999-06-17
Posts 306Yuma, AZ, USA |
Munda, You have done an outstanding job of pulling us into this story. I really felt like I was right there with "Amy" talking to her, sitting in her cell as she reflected on her past. Plus you ended this piece perfectly. One of the hardest things to do is close a piece of writing just right. You commented on my piece "Little Red Shoe" and most people stated they wanted to see a continuance. Well I am afraid that I won't be able to close the next one out as well as I did the first one. If there is a next one. Closing it out is just difficult and you did this story justice with the ending you gave it. Bravo Jfreak [This message has been edited by jfreak (edited 04-07-2000).] |
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Marilyn Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621Ontario, Canada |
I am sorry it took me so long to get here my friend. this is a gripping story and you portrayed it very well. A tragic story of this that are all too much a reality in our society. Very well done!  |
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Munda Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544The Hague, The Netherlands |
Thanks for reading and replying. I am still amazed by your replies, this being my first story ever. I suppose I must try again.  |
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Dawn Eclipse Senior Member
since 2000-01-31
Posts 637The Horsehead Nebula |
Munda~ YOu have replied to a few of my stories and I've been eager to read some of yours. I wasn't disappointed. It was great. It illustrates the horrors of our society, and kept me interested. You have talent, and you must write more! "It is in our aloneness that we recognize our oneness, even as the single droplet of water knows also that it is the sea."Daniel *Cassie Roseen* |
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
This was bonechilling, realistic, and visual. Very good writing. Kathleen |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
Bodies for sale(a senyru) Never mind the pain~ Endure the physical acts~ A quest for true love all i can say is;i'm really gald i have read this post...isn't it sad that girls give up their bodies willingingly,thinking that onlu so they will be able to find true love?? looking 4ward to ur next post ") |
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achicade Member
since 2000-04-02
Posts 66Marietta, GA USA |
very well written....very "real" |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Well - I'm sure glad to know that this is a fictional piece - It's pretty intense, indeed...  ...What I see, is that you've written a story that is very likely a true one for some - hopefully not with such a severe outcome, but women who are in prison (much as men) all have some "hard luck" stories behind them. This story feels to me like a really good synopsis for a novel - much more than a letter... There's sooooo much included here that expanding it to a complete fictional work should be pretty easy... um... When will the movie be out???...  |
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