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Train wreck
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Train wreck |
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patchoulipumpkin Member
since 2000-01-01
Posts 196Bermuda |
I was asleep when we jumped. It was all a big dream. We were falling like Alice without a story to help us. The train turned, heaved,split in two. The glass sprayed us like champagne, celebrating our fear. Someone screamed, “Its going to blow, Its going to blow”. “My leg, My leg”, another voice came. I ran. I tried to get away from my fear, but it kept swallowing me. Bite after bite, it chewed on my mind. I got outside and looked at the train. It was ugly. Torn,ripped, pulled, dead. An abortion in the middle of the night. Then someone said, “Would you look at that”!. She was pointing at the sky where they were sitting. Millions of bright lights, quietly above. At 2am, they covered us all. Everywhere we looked we cried because they couldn’t be touched or felt. They were memories. Ideas, objects. Something from another dream, that we all would have remembered, if we hadn’t fallen down the rabbit hole. |
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| © Copyright 2000 patchoulipumpkin - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Marilyn Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621Ontario, Canada |
This was interesting. The imagery was very good but I am not sure what it is I was supposed to be left with? I think the concept of this piece is very sound but you might want to elaborate a bit more in order to bring the reader to the place you want them to be. |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
I see this as what it claims to be, a dream. Many/most dreams are not necessarily sensical, (and correct me if I'm worng,) but I think that's what the author was trying to convey! Great job if that was your goal! "O human race, born to fly upward, wherefore at a little wind dost thou so fall?" Dante Alighieri |
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