»
Main Forums
»
Passions in Prose
»
Forever isn't so grand!
| Passions in Prose |
|
Forever isn't so grand! |
|
|
devina Member Elite
since 1999-10-28
Posts 3539Cali 
|
The star-less night fell hush to the sound of spirits walking all around. The mortal eye was blind to each and every soul that roamed the world, they instead, slept among dreams of their perfect world. All but one of these perfect mortals accepted the true gift of life. He instead yearned for that which he could not have…Immortality. Earlier this same eve, Colin dropped to his knees and begged for an answer to everlasting life, and had been sucked in by satin himself. This night he obtained the promise of life beyond his mere existence as a mortal. This night he forfeited his own soul, and God would not see past his mistake, for an eternity to come. Waking in such confusion, Colin turned round and round in his cryptic tomb. He was the spirit of a beautiful man, with the sensuous build of a Grecian god. Strong hardened arms pushed at the ledge above him, freeing himself to the world outside. Bitterness and guilt consumed his very soul as Colin relived his last notable night on Earth. For he was no longer human, no longer did his heart beat of love, of sadness, of life. He now remained an aimless soul, destined to walk the Earth a mere shadow among the town. All he had promised to him was his existence, and only when that had been granted, did he realize that he had obtained nothing more of a life than the crazed people burning in hell. He could no longer dream of entering those silver-lined gates, for he was no longer free and clear. He belonged to the devil as much as the cold-blooded killers he’d seen in the news. With this mockery of God, he had lain his own path and ended all life as he’d known it before. His thoughts turned gray as he realized just exactly what he had given up. His beautiful wife and their adoring children would be left alone in the world. What would they think of him, could they know the truth? Never again would he hold his family in his arms. Never would he speak the words of love to his wife. Never again could he even feel such an emotion. Satin, must be laughing beneath the surface of this unholy world of immortality. He had won and cold, dead tears sped down Colin’s cheeks, for his realization had cost him more than his soul. Colin had not only turned his back on his family, but also on the Lord. His shuddering response told him that he could not make amends, granted he had his entire afterlife to try. The guilt he must endure was at it’s fullest, as prayer would do no good. His lord would never forgive him for the deceitful wish that was bestowed upon him, and in Colin’s present state, he hadn’t the want to ask. Accepting his self-made loneliness, Colin drifted along through he night, reliving memories of his past life. Aching from head to toe with a regrettable note of despair, he pondered his situation, to no avail. Bitterness directed at himself, made the night pass slowly, until at last his dead sleep beckoned him back to his place of unmaking. He could smell the sizzle of the dawn as it reached its full view atop the mountainside, when at last his eyes closed tight. The self-pity that he lay in seemed to dissolve around his tomb, for now he must sleep- no thoughts, no regrets- just sleep. Colin awoke to find himself lying in a bed- his bed. His wife lay next to him, a glorious image to behold. Her dark eyelashes feathered upon her cheeks as she slept. And his children, he could hear the soft breathing of his beloved children echo down the hall from their room. Relief shot through him in immense waves of gratitude. He sat up in disbelief, feeling the warm sun showering his face. What a forgiving god his must be, to restore his dreams, to forgive his sins! He reached out to his wife, wrapped his loving arms around her, absorbing her heat as never before. This was the eternity he had dreamed for from the beginning. He hugged her tightly to his own body, reveling in her scent. It was then that she started slipping from his grasp, as if she were melting away. He held on with all his strength, only to see the fiery eyes of the devil laughing down into his own. In that moment, he wanted to truly disappear if he could not have the one thing that meant the most to him- his family and their unbounding love. Drifting back to the nothingness of his non-life, his eyes ran dry for there were no more tears to shed. He had finally realized that his own hopes and selfishness had brought this wish to reality, and seeking no comfort in that, he lay back and let the flames devour him whole. |
||
| © Copyright 1999 Tanya Nicole Bustamante - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
merlynh Member
since 1999-09-26
Posts 411deer park, wa |
Interesting. Something like Ann Rice would write. |
||
|
roxane Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505us |
this is great, but the ending was so wrenching to endure. for a moment, a serene peace, and then the contrast of of the devil's eyes. oh, it was beautifully executed. the only suggestion that i can make is to better develop the colin's want for immortality. i think that would add even more depth to his character. a beautiful, and disturbing read. |
||
|
devina Member Elite
since 1999-10-28
Posts 3539Cali |
merlynh- I must thank you for the comment, it made my day! roxane- Thank you for your reply, I must admit that I agree with you about the deepening his want for immortality, it's just that I wrote this back in high school  and I haven't the heart to change one of my first stories...yet! Thanks again.Open arms can be the most fragile in the world... |
||
|
Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Maggy-nificent! (And you were worried! )Sorry it took me so long, I've been off to never-never land! This is well written, with style and heart, in my OP two of the most important parts of a successful story! I am in agreeance that some further developmant would help considerably, but either way, this is an excellent example of what writing is about! |
||
|
devina Member Elite
since 1999-10-28
Posts 3539Cali |
Christopher- I did start to wonder if I'd scared you off or somethen I'm glad you liked this one, you DO know that this was just for you right??Open arms can be the most fragile in the world... |
||
|
Pepper Member Elite
since 1999-08-19
Posts 3079Southern Florida |
To think this was done while you were still in high school.....amazing insight for one so young! I was captivated all the way through! Excellent writing Devina.... A soul that writes from the heart and shares it, truly gives a gift extraordinaire! Shannon |
||
|
Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Umm, Devina... you wrote this for me... in High School???  |
||
|
devina Member Elite
since 1999-10-28
Posts 3539Cali |
Oh yes Chris- I knew you'd be the man of my dreams!!lol....You silly man, I meant that I posted it only because you asked!!! Open arms can be the most fragile in the world... |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
