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Five Weeks
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Five Weeks |
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Julie Jordan Scott Member
since 1999-09-19
Posts 146Bakersfield, CA USA 
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This is a follow up to July 16... As I sat in the parking lot of the psychiatrists office, I came so close to saying forget it. Me? A psych eval? I walked to the door, through the door, shut the door, and found my way to the receptionist. I filled out paperwork, trying to be as efficient and accurate as possible. There were so many questions that I could have totally different answers for depending upon the day. Without rhyme or reason I would wake up with incredible anxiety. Other days, the peace within me embraced me full force. My most frightening moment was when I was lying in bed at close to 2 am, wide awake, and my thoughts were racing. I heard myself ponder where I should take my children for shelter. I was feeling less and less able to take care of their own basic needs, or mine either. My tears flowed. I was not even a functional mom. Being a mom was the most important job to me. I could not do it anymore. Basically I went to work and used all my energy putting on the happy face. I would come home and collapse under the pressure of simply sitting behind my desk! At home I could show the not doing so well side of me, and not be judged. During the psych eval I was asked what seemed like an onslaught of questions.......it was very interesting. At one point, when I felt like my head would explode and I entered an almost trance like state, the psychiatrist leaned his head down so I would look him in the eye. "Julie. I just need to get to know you. Just a little bit more." I took a deep breath and was able to carry on. We talked about my working, "How are you able to work?" he asked me. "Well, I do not do it very well," I responded, "and I am a totally different person at home then at work. Now, I am completely sapped. And after last Friday? I just........" tears filled my eyes....."I just can't do it anymore." The psychiatrist leaned back and responded. "Its ok, Julie. For a while, you will not have to." He wrote a prescription, told me to come back in a week and asked his secretary to write a note for me. He had given me a gift of five weeks. Five weeks to feel better. Five weeks to turn around and become myself again. Five weeks. I am a Life Purpose Coach who specializes in assisting men and women to clarify their Life Purpose and then in turn live true to their purpose. After 5 years working with the Severely Mentally Ill in County Mental Health, I gave up the bureaucracy (and safe, secure blanket) of this environment to pursue my own purpose and passion. |
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| © Copyright 1999 Julie Jordan Scott - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
A little more emotion here -- now this is what I was talking about! Will there be more? I hope so ...  --Kess You cannot choose the way of your death, but the path you choose will determine its own end. |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Awesome! (thanks for the format BTW!) Definitely a lot more emotion, raw and powerful! And a very good way to look at it, a gift! |
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Dusk Treader
Moderator
Senior Member
since 1999-06-18
Posts 1187St. Paul, MN |
Wonderful writing, Julie! I have to agree with the others, this does have quite a bit more emotion too it. Well written, waiting for more In flames I shall not be consumed, but reborn. |
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