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Ixtab
Member
since 1999-06-23
Posts 105
MEXICAlpan de las tunas

0 posted 1999-10-08 05:44 PM


He faced the west for the last time. The sun, going away through the horizon, exhaling red spears that proturded his sad heart. He held his Shield low with his right hand, spread in it, the blood of his fellow men and enemies, His favourite weapon, ruined after what he knew was the last battle under the fifth sun. As Ollinintzly walked the ravaged battle field he couldn´t help but cry. This was no ordinary war. War was a festivity, a beatufull ocasion in which to prove the ways of the warrior.The heart in the sky, life giver, smiled with each battle, for they where balance keepers, no one took more than what was needed to survive, no one ravaged or did anything gratitously, everyone kept his share in the battle field. They where matches that pitted men against men. But the barbarians where not men. They didn´t know their own heart; the sight of gold made them drool like dogs that find fresh food in a famine. They destroyed, raped, and literally ravaged the balance that Ollinintzly and his country men had strived to keep with their lifes. With their ways. definitely this was no ordianary war. In war the cycle was refreshed, the sun would graze with his sight those who proved to be his sons.Those who could withstand, Those who loved life, yet consciously knew that death was always waiting at their next step. The barabarinas knew nothing of this, they burned the houses and our past, they regarded the sun as one would regard a rock, they weren´t gratefull for the gift , and above all they feared death not even knowing how to live.

Ollinintzly walked among thousands of corpeses. dead friends blasted by the devlish devices of the invaders, invaders pierced through the heart with obsidian lances, The temples and houses, the rivers, the ground , even the sky, all stained red like never seen.
He Looked at the dying sun once more, "the last to set, for tomorrow no one will see it with the eyes of my people" he thought. "Why Heart in the sky!!!, Why have you abbandoned us!!" The last rays painted the evening sky, the wind lulled the brave warriors hair, his question was never answered. It's been 500 years and no one has answered.

© Copyright 1999 Ixtab - All Rights Reserved
DreamEvil
Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 2396

1 posted 1999-10-08 10:22 PM


Welcome to Passions in Prose!

Very well told tale.

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Now and forever my heart hears ~one voice~.
DreamEvil©



[This message has been edited by DreamEvil (edited 10-08-1999).]

Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296
Purgatorial Incarceration
2 posted 1999-10-09 07:08 AM


Echo the welcome. Indeed a good story. War isn't pretty.
If I might add a bit of criticism; Consider breaking the story into more than one paragraph, it might help it flow a little better.

Dragoness
Senior Member
since 1999-08-07
Posts 513

3 posted 1999-10-09 07:16 AM


Like this one much! Nicely done!

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Set you heart free and your mind will follow.


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