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yfy
New Member
since 2000-01-02
Posts 4


0 posted 2000-01-02 12:41 PM



The Killing of Fires

Touch your brow and leave you for cold
Pull its heart from the thickest air
And shine it on the spotlight
Make it so aware it's uncomfortable
Keep your needs insatiable and unkempt
Growing like the fame which consumes you
And kills your flame and your glow
You let in peeping toms but forget the
curtains
Make them confused and push them out
But flirt with certain death within the heart
And risk nothing about your secret self
Because you can't touch what you want

Renee
1998


© Copyright 2000 yfy - All Rights Reserved
patchoulipumpkin
Member
since 2000-01-01
Posts 196
Bermuda
1 posted 2000-01-02 01:28 AM


I liked it, i got the interpretation that its about a certain personality, or person who has these tendencies to live beyond his/her limitations. I have to admit i got a little confused as to the direction and flow of the poem, because to me, it seemed to start out almost as directions-i.e. "how to", but then you use "you", so its put back on a person.  It was a bit unclear in regards to that, the switching of intention, so that i didn't quite understand if it was a "what" or a "who" you were referring to.  I did like it.  
yfy
New Member
since 2000-01-02
Posts 4

2 posted 2000-01-02 02:01 AM


I see what you're saying...I should offer an admittance of a typo, or maybe just lack of editing. hah!     How about this...but I can't find a proper last line.  

Touch your brow and leave you for cold
Pull its heart from the thickest air
Shine it on the spotlight
Make it so aware it's uncomfortable
Keep your needs insatiable and unkempt
Growing like the fame which consumes you
Which kills your flame and your glow
Let in peeping toms but forget the curtains
Make them confused and push them out
But flirt with certain death within the heart
Risk nothing about your secret self
Because you can't have what you want

note:  I did write it about a girl who tends to lead people on in relationships (although in this instance it's men) because she wants a relationship with a man but doesn't think she will live up to his standards.  Anyway, she acts provacatively towards them but rebuffs them when they respond positively to her behavior.  It's written from the perspective of an objective friend (I don't know if that's evident or not), and that's a hard (harsh) thing to say, since it's about ~me~.  

John Foulstone
Member
since 2000-01-01
Posts 100
Australia
3 posted 2000-01-02 12:15 PM


Renee,
I liked it too, and would like it even more with some work on meter.
"But flirt with certain death within the heart"
is excellent. Pure iambic pentameter. Rest is kind of all over the place. Just as an example of what I mean, how about:
"But flirt with certain death within the heart
Risk nothing of your secret self at all
Because you cannot touch the thing you want."
Hey, it's a very common girl game. At least you're aware of it.


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