Goddess of Spring - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Critical Analysis #1

Goddess of Spring

Not A Poet
Member Elite

since 1999-11-03

Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA

0 posted 1999-12-02 03:28 PM

Please excuse the edit. I forgot to include this message. This is a rewrite of an older sonnet which never seemed quite right. I think I like it this way much better but any suggestions would be very much appreciated.

Goddess Of Spring

My heart adores you like a day in Spring;
Your beauty far outshines the blush of May,
Your smile and charm into my life do bring
The joy to know your friendship, every day.
Your eyes recall a meadow, draped in clover
And sparkling dew ... just wakened from the night,
Your lusty voice is like the softest whisper
Of Nature as she paints her splendid sight.
The soft touch of your hand, caressing mine,
Stirs visions now of spring days long before;
To taste your lips, so sweet, like rarest wine,
Intoxicates – consumes me – evermore.
And as my fingers stroke your golden hair,
I know you are my Goddess of the fair.

[This message has been edited by Not A Poet (edited 12-02-1999).]

Poertree
Senior Member

since 1999-11-05

Posts 1359
UK

1 posted 1999-12-02 05:41 PM

I am the last person to be critiquing a sonnet - I've never written one and I just about know the rules for writing them but not much more. Still, I shall have a short attempt at a few comments.

As I suspect is an absolute necessity in a sonnet the meter and rhythm seemed to me to be more or less spot on. It read extremely well. Perhaps in sonnets (being an old form of verse) it is appropriate to use old phraseology and even a few rather cliched phrases as well.

Certainly the first two lines were very reminiscent of Shakespeares "Shall I compare thee ... " especially "blush of May"/"buds of May", but perhaps this was deliberate?

. While I loved some of the imagery, other parts, though pleasant to read, did seem a little too familiar "sparkling dew", "lips like rarest wine", "golden hair". Having said that these phrases undoubtedly add to the overall atmosphere of voluptuous, sensuous love on a warm spring day.

Oh and "draped in clover" ... that was nice ... thanks .....

Philip

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.