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Elsa
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Elsa |
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jamaicabradley Junior Member
since 1999-11-04
Posts 39 |
in my dreams can you remember the words you used to pursuade my solitary dilusion of you adherence to my recollectant memory and I'm standing bound by men's clothing on a requiem of light from angels within your prism eye Lend me a condolence of fevered children above my bed dropping onto me like leaden figures of torment to rekindle the visage of dementia I've seemed to loose over the long time now since I've even felt myself below anyone yet I'm not above anything Abstinence leads only to lonliness without this there is nothing to grasp and existance is reminded only by you who I can no longer touch. |
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| © Copyright 1999 jamaicabradley - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Jamaica, I have to admit (as I did to Pat) that I have real problems following the gist of free poetry without punctuation. That's not to say I don't like it - I love the flow and the words you use, its just that I haven't got used to reading this type of work yet. Phrases like "lend me a condolence of fevered children" are pretty unforgettable! The name Elsa drew me to the poem, as I wrote a short story once based on that name after seeing the movie "Born Free" - a long time ago! Lol. I think I can gather that maybe the speaker in your poem had a love or partner called Elsa who is lost/dead? and is now desperately lonely. Am I on the right lines? Anyway the "feel" of the poem is probably more important and I liked that a lot. Thanks. |
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roxane Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505us |
i liked this, and i will defend you in your right not to use punctuation, as i often don't use it myself  however, i thought that this was a beautiful poem, with lots of powerful words. i especially liked the second and third stanzas. they were quite beautiful. the first stanza seems to stumble a bit, but i still think that it's great. good job. |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
You don't need to defend him from me Roxane  - all I mean't was that I am still too new to this to easily appreciate and interpret "free verse" (is that what it is?). I'm working on my shortcomings tho (lol).As to "rights" in poetry, I am one of those "radicals" who believes that the first rule of poetry is that there are no rules!! |
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jamaicabradley Junior Member
since 1999-11-04
Posts 39 |
Poertree and Roxanne, Thank you both for your compliments, you know I will say just one thing about the puncuation, you know, I have never intentionally left it out, I've just never used it, but this is not a concious decision, I sappose if I wrote something that jumped out to me as needing it, I would use it, I have the same problem with prose and storeys, I'm not sure why but I think I could re-define run on scentence, luckily in poetry I can get away with it. Poetree, this poem is about someone, but more the thought of someone un-attainable, so in a sense I sappose it would be a sort of loss. Ahh anyway, thank you both again. |
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