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Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

0 posted 2010-07-01 02:32 AM

(Either tomorrow or Friday, I'm preparing to make my new material comeback..........inspired by my latest experiences. I just got back from SOAK, Oregon's Burning Man, and my head is still spinning from all the deviant madness there, from constant cross-dressing to eating brunch with zombie unicorns to trying out for the Miss SOAK 2010 pageant, hehehe!

I'm determined to see if I still have it in me to write as hot a mess as I did previous summers, so while I work out the final fanatic touches, here's perhaps my most maddening verse to date, bwaaaaaaa ha ha ha!



Zenaida the Magicicada
By: Noah Eaton
6/1/07
.
.
.
...brooding at June’s prelude,
when the soil temperature reaches 64 degrees,
a mysterious red-eyed nymph climbs vertically,
from her underground lair up the yellow buckeye tree,
our living hair curl and sleeping bag buddy,
enacting her first mischievous marathon in 17 years,
levying en masse across the sassy sassafras,
pruning the wide forest floor frontier...
.
.
(...tick tick tick tick tick...)
.
.
you know who she is…
.
.
.
Zenaida the Magicicada!
(Tick tick tick tick tick zzzzzzzzt!)
Zenaida the Magicicada!
(Stirring up cicada arcadia!)
Zenaida the Magicicada!
(Zzt zzt zzt zzt zzt zzt tick tick tick!)
Zenaida the Magicicada!
(Stirring up early summer mania!)

(Phaaaaa-roh!)

So there I was, having a picnic in the park,
right up there on Occoneechee Mountain,
relishing the sarsaparilla and sweet pinesap,
and silvery checkspots drinking from the fountains,
then suddenly I see the lord of the tree rings,
dive like Pat McCormick into my black bean dip,
it sure weren’t no wasp or dragonfly,
and you better believe it weren’t no katydid.

Then I hear, cranking up at ninety-two decibels,
an ominous mating call I wouldn’t consider flattering,
it sounded like the Kobayashi Maru,
on a Weed Whacker’s battery,
then this cacophonous curmudgeon,
flitters in at the speed of stealth,
with bulging red eyes and translucent wings,
and a capellas that can strike quite a welp.

That whirring wastrel landed on my ice cream cone,
she must have summoned a riveting inquisition,
cuz next thing I knew hundreds went for the gravy boat,
I said, “Hey, what’s your imposition?”

And she said:

(I’m Zenaida the Magicicada,
the Methuselamama of the insect world!
I perform the last note on every lyre,
and let all the rare good times unfurl!
I’m the big shot wedding crasher,
I whip up hypnotic trance at every glance,
and this summer me and my dog day drove,
are kicking off a killer Sadie Hawkins dance!)

(Phaaaaa-roh!)

Zenaida the Magicicada!
(Tick tick tick tick tick zzzzzzzzt!)
Zenaida the Magicicada!
(Stirring up cicada arcadia!)
Zenaida the Magicicada!
(Zzt zzt zzt zzt zzt zzt tick tick tick!)
Zenaida the Magicicada!
(Stirring up early summer mania!)
.
.
.
(What’s underground comes aground, y’all,
don’t be a hatah, love you a cicada,
effective magic is transcendent nature,
don’t you wanna be cicada’d!)

(Phaaaaa-roh!)

For days they decorated the lampposts,
and invaded each and every double-wide,
they crawled across my driveway like nightcrawlers,
garrisoning the whole South Side,
they even took over the local radio market,
conducting the Emergency Broadcast System,
effective magic may be transcendent nature,
but to their curse all nature had succumbed.

Five and a half weeks passed by, they still partied hard,
nimble tymbals whirring on and off like a Liederkranz,
I couldn’t even hear myself think anymore,
flaunting and haunting on my daily jaunt,
then one early July afternoon on the evening news,
I saw a reporter give a cicada a finger-lickin’ smack,
He said, “This low-carb predator’s favorite,
is high in protein but low in fat!”

(Ha ha ha!)

So me and my buddies went on the offensive,
in our Cicada Chuck Wagon communion,
til’ Zenaida summoned her piercing palatines back underground.
saying, “See y’all at the 2021 reunion!”

(Phaaaaa-roh!)

Zenaida the Magicicada!
(Tick tick tick tick tick zzzzzzzzt!)
Zenaida the Magicicada!
(Stirring up cicada arcadia!)
Zenaida the Magicicada!
(Zzt zzt zzt zzt zzt zzt tick tick tick!)
Zenaida the Magicicada!
(Stirring up early summer mania!)

Zenaida the Magicicada!
(Tick tick tick tick tick zzzzzzzzt!)
Zenaida the Magicicada!
(Stirring up cicada arcadia!)
Zenaida the Magicicada!
(Zzt zzt zzt zzt zzt zzt tick tick tick!)
Zenaida the Magicicada!
(Stirring up early summer mania!)

(Have eggs, will travel!)