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Yogurt
Junior Member

since 2007-07-20

Posts 18
Canada

0 posted 2007-07-25 05:23 PM

I wont do this
I wont do that
untill the day you stabbed me int he back

you tor my heart into pieces
I thought you were diffrent
I gave you my heart

I was afraid of what would come once the start
But i trusted you with my heart

you said you loved me
I was scared to say it back
but i looked in you eyes and found my voice and said it back

But why say what you do not mean
after all you ended up hurting me

YOu said you cared
i thought this was it they said i was to young
but that was not the way we seen it

I gave you my heart
trusted you with my dreams
but all i was doing, was chasing a fanasy
We crashed and burned

And I, I am still in love

A time to kill, and a time to heal;
A time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn

[This message has been edited by Yogurt (07-26-2007 04:17 PM).]

BrittanyJ
Member

since 2007-06-03

Posts 461
Come find me?

1 posted 2007-07-25 08:01 PM

It was a good choice of wording, but in my opinion it just didn't flow very well...but what do i kno? lol

So no more hiding all your pain, you deserve a new start. That's why i'm closing myself away, this is a message from your heart.

surf_painter
Member

since 2007-04-10

Posts 434
Canada

2 posted 2007-07-25 09:19 PM

it didn't flow well and there was alot of spelling errors that made it hard to read

Alex pb
Junior Member

since 2007-07-25

Posts 22
Arizona

3 posted 2007-07-26 12:50 PM

i can see that this poem came from a deep part of your heart...
for some people it is easy to express strong emotion, and for some, it is a challenge, just keep writing and get more practice, it can use some vocab, but i still cant wait to read more...

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

4 posted 2007-07-26 03:13 PM

you said you loved me
I was scared to say it back
but i looked in you eyes and found my voice and said it back~

My favorite part... hope to read more soon.
hunnie.

~fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me~

Yogurt
Junior Member

since 2007-07-20

Posts 18
Canada

5 posted 2007-07-26 04:19 PM

this poem is free vers as i learned in school it does not have to fallow any rules of poetry there for it does not have to flow i got a 95 on this poem but thank you for the comments

A time to kill, and a time to heal;
A time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn

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