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Open Poetry #39
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Balladeer
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since 1999-06-05
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Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

0 posted 2006-12-23 08:50 PM


Harry walked into the pub, his face was crimson red.
His look proclaimed that anyone who crossed him would be dead.
His buddies saw him enter and they called out, "Over here!
Come join us, you old reptile, for a spot of Christmas cheer!"

Harry joined them at the bar, the scowl still on his face
As Beavis said, "Hey, Harry! What you doing in this place?
We all got excuses 'cause you know we got no life
But how come you ain't back home spending Christmaswith your wife?"

"HAH!" screamed Harry,"That's a laugh!I'd rather be right here.
Let me find my comfort in a mug of Irish beer.
I tell ya, lads,I've been around and seen a lot in life
And there is nothing viler than a mean, ungrateful wife."

"I work my fingers to the bone down at the factory
And putting in the overtime will be the death of me.
I do it for a house to live in and a decent car,
To put food on the table and the paychecks don't go far."

"I don't ask for no applause - no brass bands need to play.
But I would think that she'd remember that on Christmas day.
We exchanged our gifts this morning...(a stopto scratch his crotch)
And what did my wife hand to me..? A seven-dollar watch!!!"

"Aw, that's not right", said Billy, with his hands up in the air
And Georgie chimed in, "That's a fact. Them women just don't care.
But barmaid Betty heard it all and said, "A shame, no doubt
A shame she gets no gratitude from YOU, you drunken lout!"

Harry bristled on his stool. "What's that supposed to mean?"
Betty said, "There's truth and lies and all that's in-between.
You're moaning that your honey didn't spend enough on you?
Well, let's add up the figures and we'll find out if that's true."

"She cooks your meals every day, must be three bucks or four
Add ten percent for tipping and it's gonna cost you more.
Nine hundred meals for the year, not counting snacks unplanned
And it wouldseem to me that she saved you at least two grand!"

"How much do the cleaners cost? A shirt is fifty cents
Pants used to be a dollar, if they haven't gone up since.
365 pairs of pants costing one buck each
Then add the shirts...550! (and no charge for extra bleach).'

"Housekeepers? Well, they're gonna run 'bout 80 bucks or more
To mop the floors and vacuum, bring home groceries from the store.
That's fifty two times 80...four more grand is what you get.
Hey, have another beer, old man,because we're not done yet."

"She takes care of your two boys while you're working every day.
Without her, you'd need child care...guess how much you'd have to pay.
Then what about "romantic" times if your wife wasn't there?
How in blazes would you find another who would share?'

"Fifty dollar dinners, hoping you would get a break?
Jugs of wine to make a mood? How many would it take?
If you were forced to pay at fifty bucks or something near
Then add another hundred to your savings for the year!"

"So it's around ten thousand. Your complaint was what again?
Oh, yes, that women just don't give enough to please their men.
Why not put down that mug of beer and just be on your way?
You don't deserve the Christmas gifts she gives you every day."

Well, Harry put his beer down and went running home like mad.
He felt ashamed that he had treated his poor wife so bad.
He ran into the house and saw her face fill withalarm
Then gave her one big sloppy kiss and took her by the arm.

He took her to the bedroom. They made love. When he was through
He whispered, "Thank you, sweetheart wife, for everything you do."
She lay there as he fell asleep and she could only watch....
"My God!" she thought. "He must have loved that seven dollar watch!!!!"



© Copyright 2006 Michael Mack - All Rights Reserved
Seymour Tabin
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since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
1 posted 2006-12-23 09:17 PM


Balladeer
Wonderful write, I'll have to show this to my Irish son-in-law.

LeeJ
Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296

2 posted 2006-12-23 09:17 PM


you are a hoot, well worth the read, well crafted story you do tell on this soon to be Christmas Eve...really enjoyed this one Mike, thank you for writing and sharing.  

Hugs
Lee J.

Sunshine
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since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
3 posted 2006-12-23 10:35 PM



Something new...and not blue...
but worthy of a laugh or two!

Merry Christmas, Michael!


garysgirl
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Member Laureate
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237
Florida, USA
4 posted 2006-12-24 04:27 PM


Michael, what a wonderful Christmas story,
and oh so true!!
Hugs, and Merry Christmas!!
Ethel

scorpio
Member Ascendant
since 2002-10-02
Posts 5178
right...there
5 posted 2006-12-24 04:49 PM


Merry Christmas!!

believe in what your heart feels...

Titia Geertman
Member Ascendant
since 2001-05-07
Posts 5182
Netherlands
6 posted 2006-12-28 06:43 PM


It's even a wonderful after Christmas story Deer. Almost missed it, glad I didn't.
Great humor, made me laugh as you always do.

Titia

Like scattered leaves...my words will flow

nakdthoughts
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since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200
Between the Lines
7 posted 2006-12-28 08:00 PM


glad I didn't miss this  one either~~
Have a Happy New Year, Mike

M

Enchantress
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since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
8 posted 2006-12-28 08:03 PM


Wonderful 'Deer!  

Sing in me muse...
and through me tell the story~

Roniece Dawson-Bruce
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since 2000-01-29
Posts 5689
Sydney, Australia
9 posted 2006-12-28 08:04 PM


What a wonderful read!! loved it!!  RDB
wredgranny
Member
since 2006-11-18
Posts 493
Ky. USA
10 posted 2006-12-28 08:12 PM


He took her to the bedroom. They made love. When he was through
He whispered, "Thank you, sweetheart wife, for everything you do."
She lay there as he fell asleep and she could only watch....
"My God!" she thought. "He must have loved that seven dollar watch!!!!"

~AHO~ LOL! Well said!


  granny!

Mercury06
New Member
since 2006-12-28
Posts 9
Australia, QLD
11 posted 2006-12-28 08:27 PM


This was brilliant. Your meter and rhyme is perfect, and the atmosphere created was wonderful.  I really enjoyed the read, great write!
~Mercury

Interloper
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Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-06
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Deep in the heart
12 posted 2006-12-29 09:14 AM



passing shadows
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since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
13 posted 2006-12-29 09:52 AM


this is outstanding!!

I'm gonna send it to my daughter and her boyfriend!

suthern
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Member Seraphic
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723
Louisiana
14 posted 2006-12-29 01:51 PM


Dang... I KNEW I should have given a watch... Maybe I can give a New Year's gift! LOL

Thoroughly enjoyed, Deer One... Thanks for giving us the gift of grins. *S*

Kethry
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082
Victoria Australia
15 posted 2006-12-29 05:38 PM


With a seven dollar watch and the barmaid's advice you know he's going to have time for his wife for a long time to come. You haven't lost your touch...but what I want to know is ...why $50.00 on dinner only twice a year?

Good poem. I liked the Christmas Cheer.

a good commitee can decimate communication.

miscellanea
Member Elite
since 2004-06-24
Posts 4060
OH
16 posted 2006-12-29 07:52 PM


Sooo sweet, skillful, and witty!  Enjoyed very much.  Thank you for all the pleasure you bring to us.  

miscellanea

Mysteria
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British Columbia, Canada
17 posted 2006-12-29 09:13 PM


Now how the heck did I miss the most truthful thing I bet you ever wrote.   Nice to see a man write a poem about gratitude.  I loved this!  Oh, and I forgot to mention something, you are a gift!
playing.with.crayons
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since 2006-01-02
Posts 362
Neverland
18 posted 2006-12-29 09:17 PM


brilliant brilliant brilliant!!
oh how i enjoyed this read.

~ cheye

Balladeer
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Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
19 posted 2006-12-29 09:48 PM


Thank you all so much and I hope you all had wonderful holidays..

....and ladies?

You are appreciated!


Oh, and Kethry? She figured about twice a year was about as much as he could handle!

DreamerSpirit
Member
since 2006-10-02
Posts 240
Buenos Aires, Argentina
20 posted 2006-12-30 02:57 AM


I read this one twice, and it really made me think a lot!!...it's great, and the message it leaves it's really deep...
Excellent Work,Balladeer as Always.

Denis.

Isis
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since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296
Sunny Queensland
21 posted 2006-12-30 09:04 PM


Dear Balladeer,
Here's a blast from the past!  It's Isis, just dropped in to wish you a Happy New Year.
You are fondly remembered my friend...
Isis

Balladeer
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Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
22 posted 2006-12-30 09:22 PM


Denis....I thank you for such a kind comment.

ISIS!!!! Blast from the past indeed! How wonderful it is to see your name again. You are always remembered, my friend

Joyce Johnson
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since 2001-03-10
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Washington State
23 posted 2006-12-30 09:23 PM


I enjoyed this immensely.  Joyce
Brian James
Member
since 2005-06-26
Posts 147
Winnipeg
24 posted 2007-04-19 05:54 PM


This is great, Deer.  One of the best poems I've read in a while, and you know I read a lot of poetry.

Everything about this poem is great.  Even with an awkward rhyme here or there, for the most part you stayed true to form marvellously (the pause to scratch his crotch was a good touch), and overall the delivery is spectacular, especially the punchline.  You're a modern Chaucer.

Thanks for the laughs & sorry for the late reply.

Brian


"To me, the thing that art does for life is to clean it, to strip it to form."
~Robert Frost

Balladeer
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since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
25 posted 2007-04-20 08:42 AM


Never too late, Brian, and always a pleasure to hear from you.....thanks for the kindness.
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

26 posted 2007-04-20 05:09 PM


*smiles*



yer a doll

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