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Open Poetry #39

Thoughts on Dejection

Edward Grim
Senior Member

since 2005-12-18

Posts 1154
Greenville, South Carolina

0 posted 2006-12-06 08:23 PM

Thoughts on Dejection

Deep space surgeon lost in hole,
with his veins afoul,
treats a man too fancy;
treats for random and varied epilepsy.
Physician’s bill received to be ignored
and lent to the insurance.
Man, poor man,
will ignore and lend to the insurers.
Shun the work of a man
who’s lost in his hole.

Disquiet,
and a saturnine resemblance
to a fever with more paper than pen.
It’s a situation
where the writer has to bleed.
It’s a time
when the man has to fill his hole.

And I said to the devil, "You better leave my spleen alone."

The Lady
Member Rara Avis

since 2005-12-26

Posts 7634
The Southwest

1 posted 2006-12-06 10:29 PM

"It’s a situation
where the writer has to bleed.
It’s a time
when the man has to fill his hole"

I love the way you write Ed
and I still love your hat and glasses

seraphin
Senior Member

since 2000-09-24

Posts 1004
Michigan

2 posted 2006-12-06 11:24 PM

i repeat

listen to the lady

sandra

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

3 posted 2006-12-21 10:15 AM

Disquiet,
and a saturnine resemblance
to a fever with more paper than pen.
It’s a situation
where the writer has to bleed.
It’s a time
when the man has to fill his hole.

This resonates within me... you really struck a chord! *S* Superb work!!

Pilgrimage
Member Elite

since 2001-12-04

Posts 3945
Texas, USA

4 posted 2006-12-21 04:21 PM

Some very good lines in this one-especially about the writer has to bleed. You don't overdo the rhyme and you don't overdo the angst, but it's there. I like it.

Nan (Pilgrim variety)

Edward Grim
Senior Member

since 2005-12-18

Posts 1154
Greenville, South Carolina

5 posted 2006-12-21 05:29 PM

Thanks guys,

beleive it or not, i wasn't trying to rhyme. I don't like rhyming in poetry but that's how my thoughts came out. I actually didn't notice it until i posted it.

Danke

And I said to the devil, "You better leave my spleen alone."

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