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Open Poetry #39
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stevepoet
Junior Member
since 2006-12-02
Posts 46


0 posted 2006-12-04 04:42 PM


the air is cringingly cold
to live out here you must be amazingly bold
the green is fading
save for the astroturf field still remaining
the color I pick for this scene is white
absent are the colors that might
have had meaning
Im seeing,
a fleeting exsistence
people struggling through, relying totally on persistence
resistance, to the cold is all we can do
to withstand through
dont let it overstand you

© Copyright 2006 stevepoet - All Rights Reserved
ThisDiamond
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353
Michigan, USA
1 posted 2006-12-04 06:53 PM


I truly liked the words you chose to rhyme...interesting and there was a nice flow to the piece.

I think for the reader, it would be easier to follow in a slightly different format...
That sounds small, but it's huge in how a poem is read.  

Perhaps condensing your style into shorter sentence lines...breaking at the power of the pause...those words that have impact to the ear...and center the text.

Nicely done.
TD

Angel4aKing
Senior Member
since 2006-09-27
Posts 1372
USA
2 posted 2006-12-05 04:15 PM


I am sure your words reflectr many others feelings.....nice write

kingsangel

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