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Open Poetry #39
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I Wondered
| Open Poetry #39 |
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I Wondered |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla 
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I Wondered I wondered through the fires haze Waiting at the edge of dream To pass beyond this foil of seem Yet still I walk a broil of daze These phantoms of my goal persist In my mind they stay in store When counting time it’s more than awe Those flaunting of my souls insist The mountains seem of steeper grade The abyss I stare in greater shear For time has filled my mind with fear I cannot find some rest of shade I cannot put this burden down Nor paddle back the one way deed I cannot taste the sweet of need At times I feel a tortured clown So when I lay me down to sleep I’ll lay me down a naughty sheep |
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| © Copyright 2006 Seymour Tabin - All Rights Reserved | |||
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
outstanding rhyme scheme! and the theme...wow!  |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
passing, You are very kind, have a wonderful day.  |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
I know when I see a Sy-sigh and a     [This message has been edited by Sunshine (11-30-2006 09:26 AM).] |
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Gentle Spirit Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989 |
I do agree with Karilea, this is a sigh/Sey moment. Well done, sir. |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Sunshine Thank you dear, love you too.  Gentle Spirit Thank you sweety, |
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Interloper
since 2000-11-06
Posts 8369Deep in the heart |
BRAVO! |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Sy...I just can't picture you being naughty, only nice. |
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LeeJ Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296 |
These phantoms of my goal persist In my mind they stay in store When counting time it’s more than awe Those flaunting of my souls insist and the ending was great...enjoyed |
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Angel4aKing Senior Member
since 2006-09-27
Posts 1372USA |
Nor paddle back the one way deed I cannot taste the sweet of need Love this part...and we all have one way deeds....take care...JulieAnn kingsangel |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Interloper Enjoyed the Bravo thank you. Martie You are the sweetest. LeeJ Thank you sweety and have a great day. Angel4aKing Thats true and thank you. |
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secondhanddreampoet Member Ascendant
since 2006-11-07
Posts 6394a 'Universalist' ! |
As per usual...grand (superb) imagery!: “I wondered through the fires haze Waiting at the edge of dream To pass beyond this foil of seem...” “I cannot put this burden down Nor paddle back the one way deed I cannot taste the sweet of need...” I especially love: "...paddle back the one way deed.."! (EXCELLENT!) |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
secondhanddreampoet Thank you so much I enjoy your comments. |
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The Lady Member Rara Avis
since 2005-12-26
Posts 7634The Southwest |
I've never seen a naughty sheep I never hope to see one but in case I ever do I'm sure that you won't be one I need to sigh now too Sir Sy |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Lady A delightful response. |
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Margherita Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236Eternity |
quote: What you bring forth in these special moments is always so profound, yet with a touch of lightness, that gives your words an irresistible charm. Love and hugs. Margherita |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Margherita It's you that has the charm. |
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Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
"I cannot put this burden down Nor paddle back the one way deed I cannot taste the sweet of need At times I feel a tortured clown" Yep, me too. Good to read ya again Sy. |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Duncan Thank you and glad to see you back my friend. |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
For time has filled my mind with fear I cannot find some rest of shade I love the tension you build within the verses... then lighten with the ending. *S* Beautiful work! |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
suthern Thank you sweety I needed that. |
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trutodaraiders Senior Member
since 2006-12-02
Posts 820CA |
I agree with the other comments. This poem was dont tastefullly. Poetry is just the evidence of life. |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
trutodaraiders I thank you much. [This message has been edited by Seymour Tabin (12-03-2006 08:19 AM).] |
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