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AltairVonCreed
Junior Member
since 2006-10-16
Posts 14
Nephi, Utah.

0 posted 2006-11-12 09:04 PM


I suppose this would also fit under the dark poetry forum but I'll only post it here.

A Mad World
She said: "I would miss your hugs"
She said: "I would miss your words"
She said: "I would miss your image"
I don't understand. I could never understand.
Why my arms are like pearls around her neck
Why my words are like the sweetest verse from a talented poet
Why my image is like the shine of a diamond so pure...
I don't understand. I could never understand.
To me...
My arms are like a noose around her neck
strangling and chocking my love to death
My words are like the shrill cries of crows from above
Cawing and trumpeting the death of my love
My image is like a fresco of a battle scene
bloodied, miserable, and should never be seen...
I don't understand. I could never understand...
That's why I stand here with a pistol in my hand
Do i shoot myself? The ones I love? The ones I hate?
Do I shoot those I've never spoken to...
A random stranger
by me removed
Like a mistake, erased. Rubber bits blown away...
Or do I crumble the paper instead
realising that all of the story is wrong.
And needs to be disposed of.
Tossed away...away....away...
Forgotten in a pile of filth
Added to another grand pile of filth
Decomposing and disentigartating into
dust...
blown...away...away...blown
away....

© Copyright 2006 Altair 'Von Creed - All Rights Reserved
Marge Tindal
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Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
1 posted 2006-11-13 09:38 AM


Altair~
Welcome to PiP~

Only because your critique comment solicits the asking of questions ... I would just say that I don't really understand exactly what this piece is trying to portray ..
quote:
I don't understand. I could never understand...
That's why I stand here with a pistol in my hand
Do i shoot myself? The ones I love? The ones I hate?
Do I shoot those I've never spoken to...
A random stranger
by me removed
Could you help me to understand it a little ?

Thanks~
*Huglets*:hugs;
~*Marge*~

~*The sound of a kiss is not as strong as that of a cannon, but it's echo endures much longer*~
Email -         noles1@totcon.com     

AltairVonCreed
Junior Member
since 2006-10-16
Posts 14
Nephi, Utah.
2 posted 2006-11-14 02:54 AM


Certainly Marge,
This peice I tried to depict the lonliness I feel when I'm walking the halls of my school. I'll state now that I'm not suicidal, sometimes you must use extreme words to get a simple messenge across.

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