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Open Poetry #39
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gypsyheartx
Member
since 2006-02-09
Posts 104
Istanbul-Turkey/U.S.-Maryland

0 posted 2006-11-03 06:45 PM


~ Just playing around with some sentence structures and stuff ~

Turning on the light,
I noticed the drummer
Pinned on the floor of the garage;
I stepped to his rescue;
Offered him a hand to get up;
Considered             Hands,
                       Arms,
                       Legs,
                       Bones,
                       Pride;
Made sure he could find his way out of the dark.

Lack of holding;
Lack of hearing;
Lack of helping;   to begin to understand,
                   I had shaken my inhibition and
                            
                   Bruised my heart.

The less focused
The less rude
The less moved I am,

The less prepared I’ll be.

The sky was vanquished,
The stars secluded
        By the light of the moon
They were swallowed.

© Copyright 2006 Miranda - All Rights Reserved
marcel
Senior Member
since 2003-03-02
Posts 660
az, usa
1 posted 2006-11-05 09:57 PM


this was so cool..not structured but with a structured purpose..wonderful and expressive.........
gypsyheartx
Member
since 2006-02-09
Posts 104
Istanbul-Turkey/U.S.-Maryland
2 posted 2006-11-05 11:37 PM


Thank you- every now and then I like to just write whatever comes to mind and see what it ends up as
seraphin
Senior Member
since 2000-09-24
Posts 1004
Michigan
3 posted 2006-11-05 11:53 PM


This is purely fantastic, poetry as I love to read, and so wish I could compose. Those that feel it is easy to express thought and meter while not using a set form are not taking into consideration the fact that to do it is easy, to do it WELL is difficult. This is done extremely well.

Super job, super write.
Sandra

gypsyheartx
Member
since 2006-02-09
Posts 104
Istanbul-Turkey/U.S.-Maryland
4 posted 2006-11-06 12:17 PM


Thank you very much, "raw" poetry has always been my favorite to write since I can express myself in a more emotionally fluid way. Thanks again
~Miranda~

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