navwin » Archives » Open Poetry #39 » Afterglow....A Triolet
Open Poetry #39
Post A Reply Post New Topic Afterglow....A Triolet Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
seraphin
Senior Member
since 2000-09-24
Posts 1004
Michigan

0 posted 2006-10-06 01:32 PM


This is my first Triolet, and I would truly appreciate your comments. I'm looking for objective honest feedback, but avoiding CA because frankly, those people scare me!


Afterglow

Illuminated by the afterglow,
Of yet another moonlit illusion.
Where heart trails like a river flow.
Illuminated by the afterglow.

Light of lune does sorely show,
Wispy tears drawn from my eyes.
Illuminated by the afterglow,
Of yet another moonlit illusion.


© Copyright 2006 Sandra McDonald - All Rights Reserved
Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
1 posted 2006-10-06 02:26 PM


seraphin
A lovely read.

seraphin
Senior Member
since 2000-09-24
Posts 1004
Michigan
2 posted 2006-10-06 02:27 PM


Sy, thank you. But did I do it right!

Sandra

Triskaidekaphobia
Member
since 2003-02-05
Posts 251
In a state of disrepair...
3 posted 2006-10-06 02:36 PM


I must repeat what was said above; a lovely read.
As for whether you have it right, I believe you do. Oh, and well done only being scared of the CA lot, they utterly terrify me.

"The world won't end in darkness, it'll end in family fun
With Coca Cola clouds behind a Big Mac sun."

One God by The Beautiful South

seraphin
Senior Member
since 2000-09-24
Posts 1004
Michigan
4 posted 2006-10-06 02:38 PM


Trisk, thank you so much! And I understated my feelings for CA, actually, I'm right up there with you!

Whooo-hooo! I got it right!!!

Sandra

The Lady
Member Rara Avis
since 2005-12-26
Posts 7634
The Southwest
5 posted 2006-10-06 07:32 PM



it has 8 lines
4 and 7 are the same as line 1
8 is the same as line 2
it rhymes
and it's exquisitely beautiful...

it's a lovely triolet
Sandra!


seraphin
Senior Member
since 2000-09-24
Posts 1004
Michigan
6 posted 2006-10-06 11:22 PM


Kate,

Your words always mean so much to me. Thank you.

Sandra

Magnus
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135
South Carolina, USA
7 posted 2006-10-07 03:09 PM


The form of a Triolet:

(for those that don't know or are not sure,
including myself.

The Triolet ("triplet"), a French verse form, is a poem or a stanza of eight lines that include two rhymes and two refrains.
The features of the Triolet are:

8 lines.
Two rhymes.
5 of the 8 lines are repeated or refrain lines.
First line repeats at the 4th and 7th lines.
Second line repeats at the 8th line.
Rhyme scheme (where an upper-case letter indicates the appearance of an identical line, while a lower-case letter indicates a rhyme with each line designated by the same lower-case or upper-case letter):

      A  
      B
      a   -  Rhymes with 1st line.
      A   - Identical to 1st line.  
      a   -  Rhymes with 1st line.
      b   -  Rhymes with 2nd line.
      A   - Identical to 1st line.
      B   - Identical to 2nd line.


I have not read this one enough to comment,
but I will say that CA is not nearly as
harrowing as one might think....

[This message has been edited by Magnus (10-07-2006 04:03 PM).]

Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
8 posted 2006-10-07 03:41 PM


Whatever it is, (and I suspect it is) it's beautifully written.
The Lady
Member Rara Avis
since 2005-12-26
Posts 7634
The Southwest
9 posted 2006-10-07 11:02 PM



yes and whatever it is
IWIHWT

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
10 posted 2006-10-07 11:10 PM


well I hadn't a clue what a triolet was but I sure liked it alot anyhow!
seraphin
Senior Member
since 2000-09-24
Posts 1004
Michigan
11 posted 2006-10-07 11:33 PM


Yes it is, Barry!!!

I found my errors in this and re posted a corrected version. If you find time, and it! would you let me know what you think?

Sandra

seraphin
Senior Member
since 2000-09-24
Posts 1004
Michigan
12 posted 2006-10-07 11:36 PM


Martie,

Thank you. I think I need to re do it, too many syllables! Gosh, I love free form!!!!

Sandra

Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Open Poetry #39 » Afterglow....A Triolet

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary