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Open Poetry #39
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Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989


0 posted 2006-10-06 08:39 AM



The heavy grey of day
rolled in cold
to leave bones aching
as coffee steam swirled
in small puffs
consumed by mists,

the world, empty
save the dark sky,
belly rumble
with thunder eyes

for he alone sees
when lady cries.

© Copyright 2006 dmsmith - All Rights Reserved
Earth Angel
Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215
Realms of Light
1 posted 2006-10-06 08:58 AM


Gosh, yer good! You just keep on getting better and better!

May the sun come out to brighten your day, Dear  Donna!

Loves 'n hugs,
Linda

Dark Stranger
Member Patricius
since 2001-03-19
Posts 13631
West Coast
2 posted 2006-10-06 09:29 AM


ms gs, storms are more lovely when you pen them
Magnus
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135
South Carolina, USA
3 posted 2006-10-08 03:07 PM


I agree with Dark....

You almost write like he does....and that
is a neat thing!!!

The Lady
Member Rara Avis
since 2005-12-26
Posts 7634
The Southwest
4 posted 2006-10-08 04:40 PM



outstanding Donna!
this poem lives and
breathes

iliana
Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434
USA
5 posted 2006-10-08 05:20 PM


"the world, empty
save the dark sky,
belly rumble
with thunder eyes

for he alone sees
when lady cries."

Donna, I like this personification very much...I'll never think of the "belly rumble" thunder in the same way now.   ...jo

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
6 posted 2006-10-08 06:47 PM



...

and when she cries,
shining streams
runnel her cheeks;

he can barely hear her
breathing,

but he can see her shoulders
shuddering, and he, too
aches,

fearful of approaching,
of feeling the cold
without stepping outside,

so he watches
as the steam rises
and the salty rain
drips into her cup.

~*~

See what you do when you inspire?




Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989

7 posted 2006-10-08 06:50 PM


you all touch me with your responses and replies, you are so kind, thank you.

Kari....ah.....so glad that I could inspire something so very beautiful....

Barry...   thank you...indeed a compliment....

Spine Grinder
Senior Member
since 2000-10-28
Posts 1127
Standing In Silence...
8 posted 2006-10-16 12:50 PM


For some reason...this made me sad...maybe it was -

"For alone he see's.."

Idk, that line seemed significant to me...idk..But this was good. Luvs.

"My soul is adrift in oceans of madness
Repairing the rift that you have created"~ Disturbed

"I shut my eyes and hold my cries to myself"~ Taproot

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