navwin » Archives » Open Poetry #39 » Letter To "ThisDiamond"--A Poet's Dream...
Open Poetry #39
Post A Reply Post New Topic Letter To "ThisDiamond"--A Poet's Dream... Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
marcel
Senior Member
since 2003-03-02
Posts 660
az, usa

0 posted 2006-09-28 12:14 PM



Beyond the Windows Frost

Within this soul of sadness there is a flicker of happiness
Waiting for these long mornings to one day end…
I have written countless letters to you,
To strengthen the faith we promised to our souls;
But I fear the silence of the fallen pen
Because it means we will never sleep again…

I want to toss this rope of life into forever
And pull until the optimism of my hope grows weary;
But loose has been the luck of my noose over the years
When I have used the many thin threads of memory and pain
To delicately sew together the distance of our past---
A past that gives the stars a reason to smile…

The streaks of violet and chartreuse you see in the skies
Are my sweet thoughts that I present to your dreams,
Flowers of innocent lust and emotional need;
A gift from my heart to your heart,
As you sit on the edge of your eternity…

Marcel

© Copyright 2006 keith marcel - All Rights Reserved
Midnitesun
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647
Gaia
1 posted 2006-09-28 12:20 PM


Dang, this is absolutely beautiful!
What a love letter

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215
Realms of Light
2 posted 2006-09-28 12:26 PM


"A past that gives the stars a reason to smile"

~ How lovely is that?!? ~ VERY

Actually, the entire love poem is lovely!


EA

ThisDiamond
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353
Michigan, USA
3 posted 2006-09-28 07:39 AM


I linger in the long hall between reticent and starvation.  Listening to a voice calling softly...guiding me back to the open door.
Thank you for writing this beautiful letter.

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
4 posted 2006-09-28 07:54 AM


But I fear the silence of the fallen pen

~*~

Oh please, don't ever let it fall...
such a beautiful letter!


Magnus
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135
South Carolina, USA
5 posted 2006-09-28 04:58 PM


Very nicely done Keith...
Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
6 posted 2006-09-28 07:09 PM


WOW!!  This IS beautiful!!

~Autumn, the year's last, loveliest smile~

themute
Member
since 2006-05-08
Posts 469
Maryland
7 posted 2006-09-28 09:26 PM


i would like to give some suggestions to make your future writings better, your use of rhyme is ineffective and unorgonized in the first two stanzas, your use of paradox is lacking, addtitionally your flow throughout is jarring and sudden; its changing in each line, and even in the middle of some. once again, these are intended as constructiv as your actual message is unique and well imagined on paper.  

I am the two-toed wanderer

iliana
Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434
USA
8 posted 2006-09-28 09:29 PM


What a love letter!!!
Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Open Poetry #39 » Letter To "ThisDiamond"--A Poet's Dream...

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary