The Importance of Capturing Time

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

MukkaKukka
Member

since 2006-09-18

Posts 88
Finland

0 posted 2006-09-20 07:47 PM

I`m lying on the kitchen floor

Looking at an empty glass and a full bottle of Caubernet Sauvignon.

I think of a painting, a collection of modern emptiness on canvas, the lights painting the room every now and then as a vehicle passes by.

And then those Italian Ones

The Healthy Wine Farmers photographed manually.
With a goatbeard brush.
Then it hits me.

I need a videocamera badly.

I understand that the bottle doesn`t stand there forever, the air is undulating.

As I focus on the bottle and the glass, heatcaught signals of airwaves,

the proteindance of myopis.

If I had a camera...

But the Present, the presence frighteningly escaping, and if I watch it

Where do I stand?

I fall asleep and dream of small boats...

in the distance, the cat keeps focus on the cars, the swaying palmtrees

the princess locked in that castle

I`m too tired to open the closet

for a new set of heroics

So I drift, my eyes

I lend to a mammal with more acute senses...

ecrivan
Member Elite

since 2001-12-10

Posts 3923
my own state

1 posted 2006-09-20 10:23 PM

Protein dance of myopia?of myopics? be careful when using technical words...why say you're imaginative when you already know you have the potential to weave a imaginative tale..from another dream state.

Brian James
Member

since 2005-06-26

Posts 147
Winnipeg

2 posted 2006-09-21 02:00 AM

I can't help feeling like you're a little out of control when using such a loose style of writing.  Your imagery appears almost random and is difficult to really grasp.  I think what you're going for is a kind of profound simplicity, the likes of which you'd find in the very best Haiku poetry.

I would love to see you apply the same sensibility in a sestina.  Read Elizabeth Bishop's "Sestina," which has a lot in common with the poetry I've read of yours so far, and see if you can't come up with something equally good when you're confined to close quarters.

I mean, that's just a suggestion, is all.  You seem a little lonely writing in your current style.

Looking forward to what direction you take with this.

Brian

MukkaKukka
Member

since 2006-09-18

Posts 88
Finland

3 posted 2006-09-21 11:00 AM

With the english I`m still looking for my voice, hence my presence on this forum.

In my mothers tongue, I`ve found it.

And as for veneration for diofficult words

The language is the most organic part of culture and its waving

So myopia, sounds good to me

Like myinengitus or salamander with the maininki liplattaa

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.