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Open Poetry #39
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The Cathedral opens from the top
| Open Poetry #39 |
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The Cathedral opens from the top |
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MukkaKukka Member
since 2006-09-18
Posts 88Finland |
I live on the nth floor the stairs go on forever. Lit dustflakes play in the corridors of evening. The Sun visits, following her daily routine visits the pale entrails of these modern cathedrals. A lone moth is caught in the corner the fusionfuelled lamps with their stolen light make a trap for the lightthirsty. An eight resting on its side: symbol of eternity, the patterned trajectories of naked beauties. A red incision above the treeline, green and red, mixed botanical colors. Twilight, an ethery beauty from Poe`s poems snorts cocaine from the retreating skyline, and for the light: deadline for the day. It lingers, like her shadowed fingers dare not let go. |
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| © Copyright 2006 Petri Pokkinen - All Rights Reserved | |||
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sewasham Senior Member
since 2006-09-11
Posts 714Oklahoma, USA |
Very desciptive wording creates some vivd imagery. Well done. Take care and Have fun. Steve |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Imaginative use of descriptive language...very much enjoyed..thanks!  |
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MukkaKukka Member
since 2006-09-18
Posts 88Finland |
"Imaginative use of descriptive language...very much enjoyed..thanks" Thanks, very constructive critique, this will surely help in my development as a poet. (sarcasm) |
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The Lady Member Rara Avis
since 2005-12-26
Posts 7634The Southwest |
I have heard too much Spanish brandy makes one sarcastic... what shall I say if I simply enjoy the poem and have no critique constructive or otherwise? |
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MukkaKukka Member
since 2006-09-18
Posts 88Finland |
It not so much a question of the quantity of brandy consumed, its how long you can make that glassfull last... And then there`S the french wine but always for dinner, only alsatian and sherry on its on. And then, no poem is perfect, its like the tide, and ebbing and like the fact that I own The texture of Murakami`S Wind up bird as much as he because I create it as I read on... An still, its not even offence, my comment, more like fatigue, or wretchedness. This summer I`ve been making rounds, reciting my poems from door to door so I get tired to this sort of "OKayish, nice, fine, indeed, I`m busy now but beautiful, my dog died, I threw it of the board, let`S get this over with fast, my husband looks jealous, right, is that so, well ain`t that nice dear, you poor thing, better luck next time, And I never read POETRY!, right have a look-out for the cops, run, sort of thing... |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
It wasn't such a bad little poem. Maybe try to go a little beyond the imagery next time. May I suggest you read some of Martie's poetry? |
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The Lady Member Rara Avis
since 2005-12-26
Posts 7634The Southwest |
just the thing for fatigue... |
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iliana Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434USA |
Finland sure produces some great poets....this poem is quite original. |
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Ron
Administrator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-05-19
Posts 8669Michigan, US |
Go into your Profile. Look for the area labeled "Critique Message." Use it. I suspect you'll discover that communicating with people, telling them what you want (or don't want), is a good way to build relationships. And make no mistake: when you ask people to invest their own time for your benefit, it IS a relationship you're trying to build. Expecting them to read your mind is a poor start to a relationship and certainly explains a lot of your frustration. It doesn't, however, excuse your sarcasm. |
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MukkaKukka Member
since 2006-09-18
Posts 88Finland |
I read Marties poem and I loved it. Still, right, a relationship its a good thing you cant stare a person down on the net cause thats what I get alot and when you jump along into that game youre gone. |
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ecrivan Member Elite
since 2001-12-10
Posts 3923my own state |
Welcome to Passions, seeing what other people write is a good thing, there is no one formula. You can always write the way you want to, rant all you want about being understood or misunderstood. You might also learn to accept complements. Writing is a subjective process as styles and ways of expression are different for different people. In the end you write what you feel right?It is important for me to get a message out on just about any issue whether it is cryptic or not is up to me, others will write romantic poems one after the next enjoy your stay and choice of brew |
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