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Open Poetry #38
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The Long Road Taken
| Open Poetry #38 |
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The Long Road Taken |
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jwebs Junior Member
since 2006-08-15
Posts 25Ft Hood, TX |
I was born in the spring of 1980 In a small west Texas town The son of an oil field operator Who had big plans The second of four children I learned early that life doesn’t always Work out for the best I saw it all My father’s big dreams were always a step away My mother drank away the rest Their fights were a battle of epic proportions At least, that’s what I saw them as I tried to fit in as best I could But it never seemed to work out that way Bounced from school to school Because the house we lived in went away I was angry at life for putting me here How could it happen to me Lots of things were done by the people I loved Most of them took years to see From beds without sheets To drunken tirades I had a front row ticket to hell And everyone thought it was a parade Thrown out of the house in a drunken fit I lived out of a duffel bag At a friend’s house that was poor as can be Yet even I had to soon go packing I lived with my dad because no one wanted me It was there that I found out my girlfriend was pregnant I decided that I would do what ever it takes I WOULD NOT FAIL Then she told me she wanted an abortion It burned Ripped me in two and stomped on the pieces She wanted to live her life and not be bound down Just another scar I’ll have to live with I poured my heart out on paper with pen Wrote the same things over and over again Like a record skipping on an old worn out record I looked for others with wounds that needed to be healed Some I found But still others found me They read the words I put on the wall Held me and placed me together again I was sure that I would be happy once more Moved to Florida to find some place new But the only thing I seemed to pack was loneliness And despair I worked 60 hour weeks And went home to an empty house Nothing seemed right anymore It was then that I took a vacation To the house on baker lane To meet those who put me back And made the world seem so new and fun It was a wonderful week I spent Sleeping on the couch Playing pool and scrabble Talking about the things that drove us to words Words that reflected our silent versions of hell I returned alive and at peace for the first time since second grade When I went to Chicago and saw the Cubs on a grand September day Back before my world slipped away At my home in Florida I saw that there was nothing there Just emptiness And loneliness With despair thrown in for good measure I needed something else A purpose other than working as a slave all year round I joined the army to see the world From South Carolina to Korea and back to Texas I went So much for travel I thought And then my most curious poem Came back to haunt me It’s posted here on this site In case you want to read it I Prayed for War And it happened Such an interesting choice of words for an unnamed struggle A war I was going through within myself Became a war that thousands would serve in Yet even I was not exempt But before I went I thought I’d found love In a twist of bitter irony The one thing I wanted most of all yet could never get back Was used on me It took me a year to figure out Less than that for me to throw her away And in the night of misery My friend came in With his cousin At first glance I lost myself She’s the one I was looking for She has that fire that passion The one thing that I was looking for in someone else for so long was before me And I didn’t even know her name Yet I was scared Burned by the flame for far too long Unsure of myself So I waited till the moment was right My roommate and I went to the club And after a few hours she was there I thought to myself be cool Say some thing smart I needed a drink A shot of liquid courage What if she said no? Don’t think that Be positive Be cool I turned around at the bar and watched her As I waited for my drink She kept looking around as if expecting someone Like heaven was just going to fall into her lap In a bar of all places I know God believes in miracles But he doesn’t waste them when people are too drunk to remember So I walked up and said the one thing that stopped her in mid-gaze You’ll never find the one for you in a bar She stopped and looked at me And with a little half smile Said, Who says I’m looking? We talked for a few hours and the bar closed Exchanged phone numbers said we’d call It was a tense three days that I waited I didn’t want to appear over bearing This had to be the one The rest it had been ehh so what I couldn’t risk it So I called and thought Here’s where she doesn’t remember me She’s way out of my league But it worked She knew me and was eager to go out with me somewhere So I took her out On our first date To a strip club Where we could watch the strippers and laugh at them I got smashed and she drove me home At the door I asked her What’s it like to kiss someone with a tongue ring Trying to be all cool Thinking, if she gets upset blame it on the alcohol She said, What you’ve never kissed someone with one Nope Well you might try it some time How about now? Ok And it was over She was mine from that point on and I knew it But my fear kept telling me You’ll fail You aren’t good enough She’s just going to use you like all the others But it held Don’t ask me how or why It just did I woke up one morning in our bed At 330 AM in a cold sweat She asked me what was wrong I said I don’t know but it doesn’t feel good 5 hours later I came home from work with bad news I’m going To war How could heaven give me my angel and take her from me But her love was strong enough to hold It’s my job and she knew it when she met me It’s just one of those things we’d have to accept So I went to war To Iraq As explosives were set in my house back home But the same woman who threw me out so many years ago Angry and bitter at me for leaving her My mother left her broke and homeless And she kept saying I did it for you Oh the pain I’ve endured in my life could kill a weaker man And drive most others to drinking But I promised myself long ago I WOULD NOT FAIL But how come the price at times is so high? Torn between the woman I loved and the woman who burned me yet again Torn between blood and love Torn between my heart and my mind In the battle I’ve faced since I was young You aren’t good enough You will always fail And a little voice said in the back of my mind Choose between the past and the future The past Of alcoholic abuses The past Of never being good enough The past Of always being hurt and lonely Or the future Where there is always hope And at least there would be love Several years have past since then Iraq has come, gone, and come back to me Yet still my wife is with me Loving me more and more every day Even though I don’t know how I actually managed to win in life And love Three wonderful kids to raise I’m their daddy They would follow me through hell and back Though I hope they never would have to Because I’ve been down that road a few times And this time I won’t fail Because I’ve been down that road It was the longest road I’ve taken |
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| © Copyright 2006 James Webster - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Dragon Mistress Member
since 2002-08-26
Posts 289Washington, USA. |
Oh my goodness. This is wonderful. And even more so since its all truth. Thank you for sharing your life with us, its wonderful in writing. ~*~I'm a dreamer, with broken dreams, and only words to fall back on~*~ |
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Joyce Johnson
since 2001-03-10
Posts 9912Washington State |
If this is a factual account of your life, I admire you to have been able to about it has put it in perspective and that from now on your present is all you need deal with. I wish you happiness. Joyce |
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ThisDiamond Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353Michigan, USA |
Welcome to Passions. You have found a second home, and there is no flattery when tell you, "What a winner"! Excellent write. TD |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Aha...they said I wrote long poems, but I've been undone...  Well done, James! |
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