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Open Poetry #38
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aziza
Member Elite
since 2006-07-09
Posts 2995
Lumpy Oatmeal makes me Crazy!

0 posted 2006-08-18 11:15 PM


Obscure Grayness

It snowed today
Really it was sleet
but the desperate called it snow.
Fat rain falling into bare branches
Pieces of gray falling from a heavy sky
And I wondered if clouds cry
as the thick drops blended with my tears
and slid into obscurity.

aziza

© Copyright 2006 Alison - All Rights Reserved
Magnus
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135
South Carolina, USA
1 posted 2006-08-19 09:23 PM


Well, you don't have to get over it (your critique remarks)...I think you have done
just fine,  a bleak feel, but sleet to me
is never something pretty, always a mess.

aziza
Member Elite
since 2006-07-09
Posts 2995
Lumpy Oatmeal makes me Crazy!
2 posted 2006-08-19 09:32 PM


Thank you.

seraphin
Senior Member
since 2000-09-24
Posts 1004
Michigan
3 posted 2006-08-20 12:37 PM


Oh aziza! You do so have a way with words!

Sandra

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