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Open Poetry #38
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Kellie_Cantrell
Senior Member
since 2002-05-22
Posts 1667
New York

0 posted 2006-07-12 08:08 PM


Poem: You
(a poem i wrote in my blog this morning)

-Your tires spun and squeeled real loud,
then you revved your engine up.
-You sped away not even looking back,
driving through my heart and ripping it in half.
-I don't know just what to do,
but it seems my heart is stuck on you.
-The night is dark,
the air is cool.
-These tears feel like fresh morning dew,
will i ever have to get over you?
-I think I might be in love with you.

© Copyright 2006 Kellie M. Cantrell - All Rights Reserved
passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
1 posted 2006-07-12 09:32 PM


seems a little bad and a little good too

I'll be waiting to see what happens with it

Kristabell
Senior Member
since 2003-11-29
Posts 678
Portland, OR
2 posted 2006-07-12 10:18 PM


A nice poem, however it might be a bit crude, or maybe that is the wrong word... You present a nice message. I think I will quote Passing Shadows when I say, let us see what comes of it. Nice write.

Kristabell

aziza
Member Elite
since 2006-07-09
Posts 2995
Lumpy Oatmeal makes me Crazy!
3 posted 2006-07-12 11:50 PM


You captured where I have been in the past, and you captured it well.  I am not sure I ever want to go there again, but that uncertaintity (sp?) sometimes fuels our passion too.  Dunno.  I like the poem a lot though.

aziza

aziza
Member Elite
since 2006-07-09
Posts 2995
Lumpy Oatmeal makes me Crazy!
4 posted 2006-07-12 11:53 PM


I liked it because it was really visual to me -- I felt this anger and resistance.  Then there seemed to be that relizaion like, "Oh God, I think I am in love with him." It is almost like you wrote of that deer in the headlights look we can get when we most don't want to face our feelings.  The first two lines maybe could be worked a bit, but I liked the rest.  Overally, I liked what you illustrated and reminded me of.

aziza

PS -- Sorry for the two posts in a row, but the first one may have been a bit of a cop out.

Kellie_Cantrell
Senior Member
since 2002-05-22
Posts 1667
New York
5 posted 2006-07-13 07:00 AM


I've not really wanted to respond to this. It's really hard, and I wrote this exactly as it happened, as it was happening. I am crushed but thats life. Oh well. It goes on.
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