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Open Poetry #38
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aziza
Member Elite
since 2006-07-09
Posts 2995
Lumpy Oatmeal makes me Crazy!

0 posted 2006-07-10 01:15 AM


Dawn Breaks

i was thrust from the deepest sleep
by the crash of dawn breaking beyond my window
shards of blackness rained upon me
cutting away remnants of a now distant dream

... aziza ...

© Copyright 2006 Alison - All Rights Reserved
divine chaos
Senior Member
since 2006-07-09
Posts 617
dancing 'neath the moon
1 posted 2006-07-10 01:40 AM


this is the second one of yours i've seen that shares a title with one of mine, funny how that happens lol

Dawn breaks and sunlight falls across my sleep-filled eyes
He caresses my cheek gently
and wakes me with a kiss
His warm body presses close to mine
He whispers, "I love you."
and my heart is filled with an unspeakable joy  

I like yours better though   


OwlSA
Member Rara Avis
since 2005-11-07
Posts 9347
Durban, South Africa
2 posted 2006-07-10 01:46 AM


I love this, but hope that the dream that you lost was a bad one.  Otherwise I am sad that dawn was sad for you.  Either way, I love the powerful originality in this and the absence of clichés - and in fact the shattering of an almost-cliché.

- Owl

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
3 posted 2006-07-10 06:57 AM


I love them both!
Rick
Member Elite
since 2001-06-21
Posts 2903
Victoria, Australia
4 posted 2006-07-10 07:30 AM


aziza, does not sound like a nice way to awaken to the day, you are lucky to remember a dream for I can not, may you sleep with peace in body and mind my friend, awaken to a soft radio and meet the day on happy terms. Thank you for sharing this, much enjoyed.

Sincerely
Rick

Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
5 posted 2006-07-10 08:23 AM


Aziza~
I enjoyed the sounds of the dark breaking into shards across the morn~
That gave this piece a fresh originality of thought~

*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*The sound of a kiss is not as strong as that of a cannon, but it's echo endures much longer*~
Email -       noles1@totcon.com       

jody5
Senior Member
since 2005-12-21
Posts 876
California, U.S.A.
6 posted 2006-07-10 09:35 AM


This was
great.  I enjoyed reading it.

Hugs Kimberly  


aziza
Member Elite
since 2006-07-09
Posts 2995
Lumpy Oatmeal makes me Crazy!
7 posted 2006-07-10 11:14 AM


Thank you all. I am in awe of so much that I have read here, written by all of you.  It's great to be here.

aziza

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