navwin » Archives » Open Poetry #38 » he
Open Poetry #38
Post A Reply Post New Topic he Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
The Lady
Member Rara Avis
since 2005-12-26
Posts 7634
The Southwest

0 posted 2006-07-03 11:42 PM



walked out his door
once upon a day
down by the wharf
sound of men
working in the fog
cries of lost birds
dream within a dream

beat of his heart
became a threat
lifted his hands to
the hidden sun
afraid to look upon its face
pain hovered in the air
inches above him
time has come for giving
he wrote in the air
tucked the fog into his pocket
and walked away

© Copyright 2006 Kate - All Rights Reserved
Krawdad
Member Elite
since 2001-01-03
Posts 2597

1 posted 2006-07-04 12:43 PM


Mystery man I am not, but I've always enjoyed the mystery in the fog.
latearrival
Member Ascendant
since 2003-03-21
Posts 5499
Florida
2 posted 2006-07-04 12:45 PM


This is intriguing. There must be a story behind it. interested. martyjo
Midnitesun
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647
Gaia
3 posted 2006-07-04 12:49 PM


oh, another gem from your pen
enjoyed this one immensely

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
4 posted 2006-07-04 01:36 AM


wow
ThisDiamond
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353
Michigan, USA
5 posted 2006-07-04 12:15 PM


You remind here, of the tale of the man and the sea...
The age when we all, and often men; see the ebb of life, witness the pain of a stuttering heart; and go off to seek the glory of their dreams.
Well done.  This shined in my mind for long after I read it...over and over.
TD

Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
6 posted 2006-07-04 01:41 PM


Kate~

Poetry within poetry ...

'he wrote in the air
tucked the fog into his pocket
and walked away'


... oh my how much I admire this passage of thought~

*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*The sound of a kiss is not as strong as that of a cannon, but it's echo endures much longer*~
Email -       noles1@totcon.com     

The Lady
Member Rara Avis
since 2005-12-26
Posts 7634
The Southwest
7 posted 2006-07-04 02:41 PM




Thank you Krawdad. Fog is very mysterious as are sea faring men.


martyjo, I am sure there is a story behind this but if I knew it I have forgotten.

Thank you Midnitesun.

passing shadows, I appreciate your wow.

Thank you so much TD.

Marge, thank you for your kind reply!

Dark Stranger
Member Patricius
since 2001-03-19
Posts 13631
West Coast
8 posted 2006-07-05 07:32 AM


lady ms, enjoyed your mind eye vcr here
freeze frame well penned


nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200
Between the Lines
9 posted 2006-07-05 08:51 AM


he wrote in the air
tucked the fog into his pocket


perfect...

M

LeeJ
Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296

10 posted 2006-07-05 10:09 AM


marvelous
WindWalker
Senior Member
since 2001-10-12
Posts 1218

11 posted 2006-07-05 10:19 AM


Yes, I would have to agree, another gem from your pen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OwlSA
Member Rara Avis
since 2005-11-07
Posts 9347
Durban, South Africa
12 posted 2006-07-05 03:12 PM


As always you had me spellbound right past the end of your poem.  However, this time it was with fear (up to the fourth-last line) that he was going to end his life.  Am still breathing a sigh of relief that he didn't - and stunned at the perfection of the whole poem, but the mega-perfection of those last three lines.

- Owl

Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
13 posted 2006-07-05 04:16 PM


Perfect!!  You have penned yet another keeper!
Hugs~Nancy

For it was not into my ear you whispered
But into my heart..
It was not my lips you kissed
But my soul.

The Lady
Member Rara Avis
since 2005-12-26
Posts 7634
The Southwest
14 posted 2006-07-05 11:10 PM


Thank you Stranger.

M, thank you so much.

LeeJ, I appreciate your reply.

Thanks for the kind words WindWalker.

Thank you Diana. It was the line about
the fog in his pocket that I saw in my mind’s
eye. The rest came from there.

Thank you Nancy. Hugs to you.



Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Open Poetry #38 » he

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary