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Open Poetry #38
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nedj
Member
since 2006-06-23
Posts 87
Oregon USA

0 posted 2006-06-26 01:17 PM



~ Summit ~


The warm orange sun caresses
and titillates and sings,
a choir of tactile voices
make the soft warm air to ring.
All awareness ebbs and flows
and sounds like surf
on sensate sand,
then slowly darkness' velvet blanket
fuses sea and land.

© Copyright 2006 Ned Johnson - All Rights Reserved
Larry C
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286
United States
1 posted 2006-06-26 01:50 PM


Ned,
This creates a great picture in my mind. Glad you are sharing your writing here.

If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane,
I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.

Midnitesun
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647
Gaia
2 posted 2006-06-26 03:08 PM


wow, this is great!
thanks for sharing this! I shall seek more from your muse. BTW, I'm currently in Yamhill County!

nedj
Member
since 2006-06-23
Posts 87
Oregon USA
3 posted 2006-06-26 03:33 PM


Larry, thanks for the kind words. I trust you will also appreciate the back-story I will tell below.

Midnitesun, I'm in PDX, so we're practically neighbors. :-) Cool!

I said in another post that I would start telling the story behind the story, at least for a while, and this is my first outing.

The poem above was written at the ripe old age of 24 sitting on a bunk in an army barracks at Ft. Lewis, Washington, just south of Seattle.

It was the first day of a two-week summer camp, and I had spent the previous night with a particularly attractive woman whom I had recently met, and with whom I was smitten for a while. It was very hard to leave her that morning and take a bus for two weeks of regimentation, army style. :-) But I did.

That evening I had a few free hours, and my mind drifted back to the previous evening. I thought I'd like to capture some part of it that I could keep, perchance to share. Poety being my only form of written expression at the time, I opted to write a poem. But after several minutes, I had no idea how to begin. I wasn't even sure I knew what I wanted to say.

At length I decided to try something new and different, at least for me. I just started writing words and phrases that came into my mind, with no particular goal in mind. I didn't even read back the words, I just kept jotting down everything that came up. I guess you could call it "literary free-association."

After an hour or two of this random note taking I stopped to review. I looked for the things I had written that most drew my attention, and it began to take shape in my mind. The above poem was the result. It only took a fraction of the time I spent taking notes once I finally got down to the writing. As best I can recall, I have never been even tempted to change a word of it.

I'm very interested in any feedback anyone cares to offer on the value, or lack thereof, in such a back-story. Personally, I often get more from a work when I have the context of a back-story, and sometimes the story is more precious than its poetic expression.

Thanks to you all for your reflections. It joins us in ways that are the stuff of the best kind of poetry: our very lives.

Ned

A poem's just a poet in a word.

latearrival
Member Ascendant
since 2003-03-21
Posts 5499
Florida
4 posted 2006-06-26 04:14 PM


Ned I enjoyed  your poem but I loved the back story. martyjo
nedj
Member
since 2006-06-23
Posts 87
Oregon USA
5 posted 2006-06-26 04:35 PM


Thanks, martyjo--one vote for backstory. :-)

BTW, I just looked up backstory in American Heritage, and it is one unhypnenated word. We both get 'F's in spelling. :-)

A poem's just a poet in a word.

Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
6 posted 2006-06-26 07:08 PM


Ned

The poem is soft and nostalgic ....in such a few words you make a feeling happen that is sweet yet a little sad.

The back story....very much enjoyed ..I say keepitup!  (poetic license)

Margherita
Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236
Eternity
7 posted 2006-06-26 07:23 PM


then slowly darkness' velvet blanket
fuses sea and land.


How I love those moments and your words bring the emotion back in full force.

I also love the story behind the poem. The context can be hypothesized by the reader, but it's nice to know some facts.

The technique of writing freely what comes through our mind can be a great source of bits of beauty and wisdom.... and truth.

Love,
Margherita

nedj
Member
since 2006-06-23
Posts 87
Oregon USA
8 posted 2006-06-27 12:12 PM


Two more precincts on record in favor of the backstory. It's beginning to look like a landslide. :-)

Thanks Marie and Margherita. You comments are, as always, greatly appreciated.

A poem's just a poet in a word.

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