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Open Poetry #38
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the labour is never lost
| Open Poetry #38 |
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the labour is never lost |
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FiercestCalm Junior Member
since 2006-06-24
Posts 31michigan |
iridescent stars burn like floodlights the half light has absorbed their laughter they have made love here but aren't sure what to do with it after he lifts it up to her face an offering for her inspection her fingers run along its veins it's not what she had expected bittersweet here by the moon a river that has run its course she smiles with eyes so sad and speaks with words so hoarse have we created a monster? something completely out of our control that will hunt us in our nightmares and haunt us until we are old? its heart is beating-listen! it knows what it needs to survive but the feast of love lays dormant hiding behind our lies but it is ours here and now for however long now lasts hot to touch sour to taste too large for our hands to grasp she hands it back to him it's his now to inspect he licks the wounds her fingers left and chooses not to dissect "You can do no great things, just small things with great Love."~Mother Theresa |
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Poetic Concept Member
since 2006-06-25
Posts 66God's Fingerprint |
This is nice a bit cliche...the concepts were there just not that much originality most of the ideas introduced here have different origins found in almost every kind of writing, but this was still good with some of the original twist that existed sparingly amongst this piece...keep writing elevation is the key Return the favor on Dreams of a Vet "How vain it is to sit down and write when u have not stood up to live" |
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FiercestCalm Junior Member
since 2006-06-24
Posts 31michigan |
wow-looks like i'm off to a roaring start. lol. your comments were a bit tough to take at first, poetic, because anything i write is very personal, but i understand completely what you are saying. i guess sometimes things i feel are a bit cliche. i do appreciate your insight, though. thank you! |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
 A most enjoyable entrance post! I hope you enjoy it here at Passions. Looking forward to seeing more of your work. ~Smiles & Hugs, Nancy~ ~Somewhere in my heart I'm always |
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FiercestCalm Junior Member
since 2006-06-24
Posts 31michigan |
thank you very much for your warm welcome~i greatly appreciate it! |
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ThisDiamond Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353Michigan, USA |
I understood this on an intimate level...there are no boundaries that love cannot conquer...although, in it's unrestrained form, it is not a relationship of convenience, but one of limitless wonder. To question it, is futile...to nourish it is to unleash the breadth of the universe. Welcome to Passions. You fit. TD |
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FiercestCalm Junior Member
since 2006-06-24
Posts 31michigan |
thank you so much, td. that's exactly where i was going with this. it's always worth it. |
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OwlSA Member Rara Avis
since 2005-11-07
Posts 9347Durban, South Africa |
I thought that this was decidedly non-clichéd. I don't often like contemporary poetry to rhyme, but absolutely loved this and especially the fact that rhyme and assonance were intermingled - and meaning, art, beauty of words and the poem's entity, took precedence over rhyme. Well done - and by the way, WELCOME, to the poetry forum that I have found to have the most warm-hearted and greatest poets of any other forum I have ever found. - Owl - Owl |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
I happen to agree with Owl here this is just like a little neighborhood and you will soon get to know who is down-to-earth and who is just full of hot air  Most everyone here is nice. Don't let the bad apples ruin the pie. |
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FiercestCalm Junior Member
since 2006-06-24
Posts 31michigan |
thank you all for your kind and encouraging comments. there are so many talented poets around here, it's kind of intimidating, but i think everyone (sometimes, me included! )has something to say when given a chance. and i haven't found any bad apples here so far-just a couple of brutally honest ones  "You can do no great things, just small things with great Love."~Mother Theresa |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Welcome to Passions. Your title befits your poem, and your poem is one that I wish I had written. It allowed some delicate word usage on a matter that could have been written more graphically and would have probably ended up in the Mature Content forum. You did a good job here. Please, check your Email for a Very Special Greeting! |
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