can’t second hand rationalize

yesterdays
are
combinations
on hangers
I know that now…

I wondered
about the neighborhood
while I push my way through
suspended adrenaline

feeling ashamed for cheap lies
which opened up grounds behind
I’d become a pawn to the evil mind…

glued noses in a snit
slamming shots of B&B into midnight
flirts with distant humming in my ears
I can’t play by these rules
with hearts of shade

suddenly, the 50’s gave a great jump
landing in front of me…
then the 60's, 70's and so on
I could hear the hum of three doors standing
unlocked…almost falling off into false
archaic tombs of my life

making, in truth, last arrangements
about humanitarian nature
always late and
constantly elevating eyebrows
touching invisible men

walking through a confectioner’s shop
browsing back rooms
of unfortunate happy’s
thinking about
what if’s
and if they lived here
I borrow God’s hammer
slamming the fingers of my brain
for clutching to long and hard
to the rain

an agreeable skeleton
with no special interest
whispers to me…
I’m faintly aware of the buzz
of conversation…while
playing the piano with anger
pride, and a touch of independence
driving away word whispers
breaching my world
like a lover’s quarrel

we drove down
the fast lane to fragrant
white flowers
& mineral springs

what was it we argued about?

now,
time eats up that
dark and solemn swamp
nothing else matters
but the experiences
and every minute inside them…

signs of
a broken hearted death,
if
one believes they are left alone
in some freezing darkness
where the body rots,
but the spirit drives

it’s the grudge
against one’s self
worth exploring…
in this freezing darkness
I see those
grim features in black
climbing up from silence
faces full of light,
magnificent personalities
of many asking
“what was it, you were hunting for in all
those shadows, with that sword
hanging from your neck?”

I bit my lip, in wide-eyed shock
“I didn’t know it was ok to let it go?”
while dim tapestries ran past me
like those dark passageways in a dream
it was that great artist, leading me through
lands of eternal sin

suddenly monsters
that walked dreams
of man,
were not so frightening
financial hope
no longer fit the picture
but the core of all my decisions did...

I plan to transfer,
once I reach the
opposite side
of life…
knowing full well
the names
of each gift…
hanging onto them
with my last breath