Like Sawdust To The Fecund Wheat

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Ratleader

Member Rara Avis

since 2003-01-23

Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass

0 posted 2006-06-07 07:00 PM

Like Sawdust To The Fecund Wheat

Words like sawdust litter the floor, a dessicating underlayer
for my droppings, and I gnaw, more rodent now than poet,
chaw one pod and then another in a hopeless search
for some peanut of wit, one pea of sentience….all the while
my world degenerates me into anhydrous anger that disintegrates,
pronates like my hands, my feet that loll askew as I perambulate
the dusty mindwheel, or falter, to lie whimpering at the bars.
With desperate teeth I chainsaw chawdust from the springtime trees,
the flail and founder like macaroni after the wet, fecund wheat I held once,
collapse like patterned china, smashing into ever smaller pieces,
down into sand, to clay again, ultimately denying everything.
Leave me alone to this: I stood once, created once,
slouched into rote and patterned form, into the predictable,
until now I know the mirror’s verdict in advance:
I’m a hamster, damn it! I’ve gone down all the way.

XOx Uriah xOX
Senior Member

since 2006-02-11

Posts 1403
Virginia

1 posted 2006-06-07 07:09 PM

Wow !    This one came from the gut.

hampster?   yes   You dont look shrewish.

::smiles::   ((( Ed )))

Ratleader

Member Rara Avis

since 2003-01-23

Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass

2 posted 2006-06-07 07:29 PM

I don't yet, but even a rat can degenerate!

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______________Ratleader______________

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

3 posted 2006-06-08 04:40 PM

The last line leaves a grin... but it's a grin with dampened cheeks... for you've drawn us into the depths of the frustration... until we're sitting in the same sawdust, wondering why that wheel tossed us off. *S*

With desperate teeth I chainsaw chawdust from the springtime trees,
the flail and founder like macaroni after the wet, fecund wheat I held once,

I love these lines.... and I'm afraid your mirror must be busted. *S* It should be showing POET... for you are... yes!

Ratleader

Member Rara Avis

since 2003-01-23

Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass

4 posted 2006-06-08 04:49 PM

Well, not bad I guess....for a rodent!

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______________Ratleader______________

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

5 posted 2006-06-08 05:09 PM

Ed

Oh my gosh!! My tongue of mind hurts from the roll of the words in this amazing poem. You are good...ya gotta know that...a really good poet!!

Edward Grim
Senior Member

since 2005-12-18

Posts 1154
Greenville, South Carolina

6 posted 2006-06-08 05:42 PM

Oooo, I like this one! You've read some of my stuff; this is the type of poetry I can't get enough of. I'm not nearly as good as you though, lol. This is truly a work of art. Ed

I'm not smart, I'm just a tricky dumb person.

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

7 posted 2006-06-08 08:02 PM

Now this one...

understands me.

Continue to pull the masses up
by dictionary...make them read
and learn what they have missed
in school...teach 'em...or let 'em
lag behind....

this was great. I think I understood
ALL the words

without cheating.

Jess
Member

since 2006-06-06

Posts 243
Washington

8 posted 2006-06-08 09:52 PM

Mister vocab!!! This poem fits your name! (although I know it was a hampster!)

The Lady
Member Rara Avis

since 2005-12-26

Posts 7634
The Southwest

9 posted 2006-06-08 10:22 PM

Painful, so painful, yet no degeneration noted.

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

10 posted 2006-06-08 10:22 PM

oh Ed, this is absolutely
you at your best
even with the emotional stings
you ran that wheel 'round and 'round

superb vocabulary offerings!

Troy
Member

since 2006-06-04

Posts 52
B.C.

11 posted 2006-06-09 04:40 AM

quote:
I’m a hamster, damn it! I’ve gone down all the way.

I don't know what it is about free verse that so stridently offers a 'no holes barred' diorama to one's inner tableaux but you certainly presented it in a most interesting choice of words not unlike Walt Whitman when he's peoed at himself...or so I imagine!

Ratleader

Member Rara Avis

since 2003-01-23

Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass

12 posted 2006-06-09 06:59 AM

No holes barred....yeeeowzah! You must be a poet or something!

Rhymed verse is more memorable....which is how it came to be, the priests wanting some way to help the un-schooled barnyard doofuses in their flock memorize the catechism, and a sing-songy, rhymey verse leads the mouth along in saying it...."Adam died and so must I...." GACK! But for starkness and a hard punch, it's free verse every time.......

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______________Ratleader______________

[This message has been edited by Ratleader (06-09-2006 09:06 AM).]

Troy
Member

since 2006-06-04

Posts 52
B.C.

13 posted 2006-06-09 02:28 PM

quote:
No holes barred....yeeeowzah! You must be a poet or something!

...or something.

Besides rhyming poetry can be pretty gritty as in:

Fleas
Adam
had'em

It only took a day and a half to make it 'memorable' but I've never forgotten it since then.

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