»
Archives
»
Open Poetry #38
»
Irish Good Morning
| Open Poetry #38 |
|
Irish Good Morning |
|
|
D.Lester Young Senior Member
since 2001-12-08
Posts 1219Austin, Tx |
Fluttering light of rainbow sunshine wings Peeking over yawning morning dawn mists, Cracking day light beams parting night, Sensual arising spirit prancing on a jig, Levitating currents billowing white clouds. Tis a fine morning in the Irish highlands Hearing the music of nature showering you, Lush green of rolling beauty casting spells Smiling within that Irish smile of red hair, This lass is the angel of your morning breath. As those magical Irish stars fade upon rosy hues Into that dynamic blue contrasting her green eyes. She mesmerizes this hypnotic sigh within you That wants to kiss her ever so lightly, upon a breeze. Yet she is this hide ‘n seek angel of imagination. You lay there upon a sensual dream treasuring her, As she blankets you in caresses that send you flying With your own wings to intertwine upon the air Of lovemaking within the soul of a glorious day, Reaching those Irish highs of exquisite peace of mind. Ireland, can you be my poetic sweetheart of sweet dreams? David L. (D.Lester) Young 06/03/06 © De-Terminated poet, somewhere in America not on company |
||
| © Copyright 2006 David Lester Young - All Rights Reserved | |||
Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
David~ This was simply a most pleasurable read~ Thank you~ *Huglets*  ~*Marge*~ ~*The sound of a kiss is not as strong as that of a cannon, but it's echo endures much longer*~ |
||
|
Tom Zart Senior Member
since 2006-05-18
Posts 682 |
Great poem nice write compose on my friend. |
||
|
The Lady Member Rara Avis
since 2005-12-26
Posts 7634The Southwest |
Magic! |
||
|
Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
The lilt in this, the music... harmonizes perfectly with the theme. D, this is so beautiful! ~Keeper~ |
||
|
kif kif Member
since 2006-06-01
Posts 439BCN |
Hello David. "smiling within that Irish smile of red hair", no matter how much poetic liscense you're using up, doesn't work. Grammatically, it's the red hair that's smiling. Plus, you use 'you' and 'she' all the way through, then use 'my' in the last line...all of a sudden, the omnipresent narrator has popped up as a character. It doesn't work for me. I think that the subject, as it's so romantic, and rendered so romantically, has made the bones of the language and structure lost in all the ruffles. |
||
|
D.Lester Young Senior Member
since 2001-12-08
Posts 1219Austin, Tx |
Thank you all, for your honest comments, I appreciate all of them. I learn from all of my mistakes, so feel free to comment, because I am this imperfect poet. Kif Kif, I do need honesty real bad, for I am a student, as well as a teacher. My grammar at time does need to be addressed. Since the lass in this poem is a surreal image. I guess I took too much latitude. The last line maybe should have said, "Ireland, can you be this poets (my) poetic sweetheart of sweet dreams?" I probably was thinking of using a line like this, "Sweetheart can you be my Valentine?" after creating a fictional Valentine poem. About the poetic liscense, by the way that is misspelled, should be license. I did not think I needed one to write poetry in America. Since my last company banned me from writing poetry inside my own home and distributing any of it on the Internet that I now need a license, after being terminated for poetry at my last job, really disturbs me. Can you please send me an application to be a free speech amateur poet? What qualifications do I need to write in my love of language, as imperfect as it is. Sorry, you nailed me to a wall, and I bled in Liberal feelings. Thanks Kif Kif for your free speech, we need more of it to moderate where all can be poets of communication. Sorry I vented, it hurts sometimes being a poet in America awaiting retirement funds to live on. Do not worry My imperfection will continue, until I finally get it right! |
||
|
kif kif Member
since 2006-06-01
Posts 439BCN |
I realise now that I should reserve critique to the appropriate 'room'. I hope you'll understand that I'm coming from a positive place-I only ever comment on something that interests me. I'm sorry if I offended you...but you have got an encouragement for constructive critiques posted. I'd like to discuss your last line, but I feel all weird now... |
||
|
Klassy Lassy Member Elite
since 2005-06-28
Posts 2187Oregon |
Green may be my favorite color, and I've always had a feeling for Ireland (although I have never been). It's an old haunt. Your poems carries the same evergreen of soul and touches on love like the emerald jewel it is. I like it very much! ~ Klassy |
||
|
D.Lester Young Senior Member
since 2001-12-08
Posts 1219Austin, Tx |
Kif kif I have no problem with your comment, only with the license part of it. When a poet is told they cannot write poetry in their home and cannot post poetry in order to be employed in an large Alabama corporation, I get upset. And then when one gets terminated using "We are terminating you because of POETRY." It burns me up, they could have terminated me for other things, but they chose to dig their nails into me and terminate me from my love of words, my heart of writing that I now starve on without paycheck. Then having someone say something about a license to trigger the abuse again. This is where the hurt comes from that nobody really cares and that you now need a license to be an American free spirit with a free speech voice. Kif kif you may have used a wrong term, but never fear what you say, if your heart was honest and true then stand your ground. This is the problem with America, everyone want you to bend, when we must stand our ground and moderate into good American poetry of Americans uniting not dividing. My last line of, "Do not worry My imperfection will continue, until I finally get it right!" really means that the path of poetry is about imperfection until one finally hits a jackpot, but even then it must fail to satisfy you to climb higher in your imperfection. It is about failing, knowing there is no hope, yet you take another step, like what I am doing in my uncertainty. Yet you have to stand up and get bruised some more in that stubborn pride hoping a minimum wage check is waiting. Kif kif give them heck (have to watch my Liberal language) in your dynamic words. |
||
|
Jess Member
since 2006-06-06
Posts 243Washington |
a little piece of Ireland |
||
|
kif kif Member
since 2006-06-01
Posts 439BCN |
I was thinking of Poetic Licence as in the definition stated by 'The Oxford Concise Dictionary Of Literary Terms'. It wasn't personal. |
||
|
D.Lester Young Senior Member
since 2001-12-08
Posts 1219Austin, Tx |
Kif kif, I understand and I thank you for your comments. Since poetry is all I have left, I hope the Patriot Act will not require a filter or a license for it. I just wish they would have terminated me for something concrete instead of slapping me in the face with "We are terminating you because of poetry!" In a posttraumatic stressed corporate syndrome, it forced me down my path that said I would never forget those words. Quote Oxford: POETIC LICENSE: The freedom of a poet or other literary writer to depart from the norms of common discourse, literal reality, or historical truth in order to create a special effect in or for the reader. When applied to prose writers, the term is often called "artistic license." Contrast with verisimilitude. |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
