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Open Poetry #38
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Jack Straw
Member
since 2006-03-02
Posts 70


0 posted 2006-05-20 06:52 PM


Wandering the numerous hills of mine
Looking for ocean or for sea.
When under my feet I find
A world of soft  tranquility.

Leaning down in admiration
Of nature’s fine laws in place
On this hill, a smaller hill
Co-exists and does not waste
their days

Time matters not to these inhabitants
As long as they work the day through
They worry not of higher beings
Yes, religion is absent too.

Little utopians living merrily
Each of them knowing their own place
Serving their queen in undying loyalty
I wish men would do the same

Gazing at the black soldiers marching
Around the sands of their home
Protecting their queen from incoming visitors
Such as me, eyes wide and grown

Little do they know I am,
But a passerby, reveling
In the lifestyle shown
I chuckle and as I'm walking
I drop an apple core for their home.
---
which title do you like better?


[This message has been edited by Jack Straw (05-22-2006 08:07 AM).]

© Copyright 2006 Jack Straw - All Rights Reserved
SEA
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Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676
with you
1 posted 2006-05-20 06:56 PM


for your thoughts, I like Little Kingdom better....this made me smile  

Margherita
Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236
Eternity
2 posted 2006-05-20 09:04 PM


The little kingdom is fascinating no doubt ... but watch what happens if there are uncautious intruders... it's an apparent tranquility.

Appreciated your write.

Love,
Margherita


OwlSA
Member Rara Avis
since 2005-11-07
Posts 9347
Durban, South Africa
3 posted 2006-05-21 02:21 AM


Enjoyed your observation of a termite hill!  Whilst I like the idea of the workers being called little communists, it conflicts with the idea of a monarchy - and it is, in actual fact, a monarchy because they are serving their queen.  Therefore I prefer Little Kingdom as the title.

- Owl

OwlSA
Member Rara Avis
since 2005-11-07
Posts 9347
Durban, South Africa
4 posted 2006-05-21 02:24 AM


Oh, and presuming that the apple core is of use to them (I don't know enough about termites - or anything for that matter), thank you for giving them the apple core.  On second thoughts, even if they can't and don't use it, thank you for the warmth and good will to them.  I believe they will have felt it.

- Owl

BROTHER JOHN
Member
since 2006-04-06
Posts 386

5 posted 2006-05-21 08:27 AM


Dear Jack,

Thanks for your write.  I was just wondering, do termites write poems about people? lol

Good Write.


miscellanea
Member Elite
since 2004-06-24
Posts 4060
OH
6 posted 2006-05-21 08:29 AM


I like the Little Kingdon best, too.  They are amazing creatures, for sure!  Enjoyed the observation.
Jack Straw
Member
since 2006-03-02
Posts 70

7 posted 2006-05-21 10:46 AM


do you think I should change little communists to little utopians?

P.S. I was going for an anthill not termite =)

OwlSA
Member Rara Avis
since 2005-11-07
Posts 9347
Durban, South Africa
8 posted 2006-05-21 07:18 PM


I thought it may have been ants and nearly said so, but didn't.  I like "little utopians" especially as they are "merry".  

- Owl

Midnitesun
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647
Gaia
9 posted 2006-05-21 07:24 PM



why am I now seeing an army of ants marching merrily across this blue screen as if they own the thing
even though they cannot see what is above them,
all beneath them is fair game to plunder and ravage
and...
sorry, I got carried away just now

Jack Straw
Member
since 2006-03-02
Posts 70

10 posted 2006-05-22 08:09 AM


I'll go with Little Kingdom then.  thank you for everyone's comments, I appreciate them.
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