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Bodger
Senior Member
since 2005-06-12
Posts 1260
Tolerance for a short time

0 posted 2006-05-14 04:32 PM


Yes, I start to put the words together

For a romance

Dave
)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

                  Begin

Your eyes dirty
Mascara running from tears you welcomed
Making you all the more beautiful
And human
Washing your cheeks and backbone
To flooding anguish
And things I could live with
To welcome a love ripping you apart
Bisecting you from all you valued
And all your family believed in
For something you didn't know existed

Love
Smiling grin, troubled eyes, knowledge, pain
Smiling my love
My love my smile
My love

Quickening of temper, temperature, feeling
In haze, steam, vapour, mouth
Dancing as a Coke filling, feeling stoker
Feeding his engine

In closets mindful
Of all

Heart miles seeking desiring awaiting
Frightened

Shoes on the inner

soul

Toes scratching cutting gouging breaking out

as years roll back

and the future calls

and all those thoughts

ram home again

those feelings

Dave

[This message has been edited by Bodger (05-14-2006 06:53 PM).]

© Copyright 2006 Dave Page - Cirencester UK - All Rights Reserved
Margherita
Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236
Eternity
1 posted 2006-05-14 04:45 PM


as years roll back

and the future calls

and all those thoughts

ram home again

those feelings



A very vivid description of a moment in time carved on the rocks.

Love,
Margherita

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
2 posted 2006-05-14 05:22 PM


Bodger
Your symbols skim the water like a thrown stone, Enjoyed

Liz Sinclair
Member
since 2006-05-06
Posts 93
Atlantis
3 posted 2006-05-16 12:09 PM


It's the first 4 lines that set the stage (obviously) for the wager of love.  It has a sweetness, a humanistic quality that's very nice and comforting.  Thanks for sharing.

Liz...Carpe Diem

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
4 posted 2006-05-16 01:27 AM


Enjoyed...James
Honeybunch
Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-29
Posts 7115
South Africa
5 posted 2006-05-16 06:18 AM


Yes, I too enjoyed this, Dave, and must ditto the comment made by Liz.  A sensitive and insightful write.
HopeS
Member Elite
since 2000-12-22
Posts 4596
Perth Western Australia
6 posted 2006-05-16 06:39 AM


You did pour  lots of emotional feelings into this , hey by the way I look dreadful with mascara ruuning down my eyes

Hope

LeeJ
Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296

7 posted 2006-05-16 07:57 AM


this was a fantastic read, incredible visuals

this especially

Your eyes dirty
Mascara running from tears you welcomed
Making you all the more beautiful
And human
Washing your cheeks and backbone
To flooding anguish
And things I could live with
To welcome a love ripping you apart
Bisecting you from all you valued
And all your family believed in
For something you didn't know existed

actually coulda copied the whole poem...

Bodger
Senior Member
since 2005-06-12
Posts 1260
Tolerance for a short time
8 posted 2006-05-16 01:57 PM


Margherita

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
as years roll back

and the future calls

and all those thoughts

ram home again

those feelings
A very vivid description of a moment in time carved on the rocks.

We move from various stages of love and I suppose a few end up on the rocks, yet memories like a Bank Manager's charges, never seem to leave us.

Seymour Tabin


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bodger
Your symbols skim the water like a thrown stone, Enjoyed  

Thanks but I was never very good at it, although I remember walking up the Thames, doing that.

Liz Sinclair

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It's the first 4 lines that set the stage (obviously) for the wager of love.  It has a sweetness, a humanistic quality that's very nice and comforting.  Thanks for sharing.

Liz...Carpe Diem  

Thanks Liz

And if everyone listens - changing that status from Junior Member for everyone, would be a good idea.

It was meant to be real, and in emotional terms almost 'gory'.

I was trying to capture the 'real' and how even the best, and what we feel is the 'safest' is often the one with the greatest load, where no-one thought about 'what happens when you grow up'

JamesMichael


Enjoyed...James  

Thanks James

I appreciate that

Honeybunch

Yes, I too enjoyed this, Dave, and must ditto the comment made by Liz.  A sensitive and insightful write.  

And we all live it, in some shape or form


HopeS

You did pour  lots of emotional feelings into this , hey by the way I look dreadful with mascara ruuning down my eyes

Hope  

And probably enough times recently

I'm not one for Trans-continent hugs as I would end up arrested, and the Internet, despite what sometimes gets written, is impossible for some of the antics that you read

I wish things go well for you, Hope

LeeJ


this was a fantastic read, incredible visuals

this especially

Your eyes dirty
Mascara running from tears you welcomed
Making you all the more beautiful
And human
Washing your cheeks and backbone
To flooding anguish
And things I could live with
To welcome a love ripping you apart
Bisecting you from all you valued
And all your family believed in
For something you didn't know existed

actually coulda copied the whole poem

Lee

You are too kind.

Copying my words doesn't really bother me, as I usually bore people with the idea, it doesn't pay the mortage.

It makes me think, plan, consider rx to tx, and interact with people, which sounds an incredibly cold statement for someone writing on a romance site, but I have know women who could excel that and others, who may you feel the world is a beautiful place.

If I really cared about copyright, I wouldn't publish here, and my only objection to people cutting my words is that they should not use my labour for personal gain

Thanks to everyone for your very kind comments

Dave


Midnitesun
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647
Gaia
9 posted 2006-05-17 01:40 AM


not to belabor a point
but Dave
this IS perhaps
when you are at your very best

emoting in blue

few can write this and make the reader smile:
"Toes scratching cutting gouging breaking out"

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