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Open Poetry #37
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Paula Finn
Member Ascendant
since 2000-06-17
Posts 5546
missouri

0 posted 2006-05-12 10:39 PM



On the street
hidden by his very appearance
eyes slide over him
afraid to make contact
afraid to acknowledge his
very existance.

He holds a crushed can
marveling at the light
reflected in the creases
and for a moment wonders about
the hands that crushed it.

But his thoughts
like a losing slot machine
never quite making the connection
lemon...lemon...cherry.

He tosses the can aside
no longer remembering why he
even held it to begin with
lost now in the dirt
being blown along the sidewalk.

Thinking...thinking...
wind blown tree limbs beckon
him nearer...
deeper...thinking...thinking...
creeping into the dark...why?

Branches scratch against glass
and he looks closer
caught by a face...his face...
his eyes...Oh God...his eyes
and he is lost
into the eyes of madness.

[This message has been edited by Paula Finn (05-12-2006 11:12 PM).]

© Copyright 2006 Paula Finn - All Rights Reserved
S Arthur Grey
Senior Member
since 2001-03-19
Posts 719
woven by a poet's loom
1 posted 2006-05-12 11:06 PM


Enjoyed this, but, if I might suggest:
Think about dropping the last line,
or even the last two lines.

FNG
Member
since 2006-02-07
Posts 477

2 posted 2006-05-12 11:10 PM


But his thoughts
like a losing slot machine
never quite making the connection
lemon...lemon...cherry.


Love your poem, beautifully sad.

like the line above most.

enjoyed

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