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Open Poetry #37
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RedStoneEB
Senior Member
since 2003-06-08
Posts 772
uk

0 posted 2006-05-11 11:00 AM


I dreamt th’ dream before was time,
what chart shall see this place.
Borne as dense into th’ sea doth float--
and harsh be on lost travellers
though I hath learnt to swim—swim where?
Death’s already Harbor’d-- and legions wait th’ drowning.
Thro’ waters the Syren wakes in chorus--
and bowed, th’ ripples did catch me adrift
waking memories I thought decayed.

If thou hast wings, - Oh seek another sky
nay! Poison be to love devour.
What thought be thought alone--
make decent of th’ hour
fellows thy poet fell out of reach.
No! No! No! go not to me--
nor suffer, mourn for the others
Ah, strangest be these—praying.

© Copyright 2006 Lee Hepworth - All Rights Reserved
RonPrice
Junior Member
since 2006-05-10
Posts 12
Tasmania Australia
1 posted 2006-05-11 12:16 PM


I think what I like best about this piece is the "sound" of it, the internal sound--not rhyme, but sound, perhaps the word is voice. Keep at it. Well done!-Ron
RedStoneEB
Senior Member
since 2003-06-08
Posts 772
uk
2 posted 2006-05-12 11:39 AM


Thankyou for the reply be it far kinder than any other who refuses to post a comment to me
StevenS
Senior Member
since 2005-09-21
Posts 945
L. A. (Lower Alabama)
3 posted 2006-05-13 10:36 AM


Redstone, sometimes I don't post a reply because I feel the poem is a little to deep for me to understand. I think your poem is very passionate and well written. Don't get discouraged. :-)
hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA
4 posted 2006-05-13 11:17 AM


I simply loved ( as Ron said above ) the voice of this poem. This reminded me of one of the many classics I grew up reading and enjoying. It is a poem one has to read several times to really absorb and take in its full meaning. My only problem with this piece was your use of th', the first time reading it every time I came upon it It distracted from the feel and flow of this piece ( pity really since this poem has excellent flow) the second reading I simply inserted the word 'the' each place you had used th' and found it a much more pleasurable read. Interesting style, I'll be sure to look up more of your work in the future
Ruth

Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
5 posted 2006-05-13 11:19 AM


Yes, this is deep and has many a wondrous line...as this: "ripples did catch me adrift
waking memories I thought decayed."


Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
6 posted 2006-05-13 03:03 PM


Classical...a most excellent write.
Very much enjoyed.
Hugs~Nancy

~ Trace my body with your words,
  in doing so, you touch my heart ~

Klassy Lassy
Member Elite
since 2005-06-28
Posts 2187
Oregon
7 posted 2006-05-13 04:25 PM


I hate thinking in a vaccuum.  I confess, I don't understand all of this one, especially the last line.  The sadness touches me, because of a sense of isolation here-- as it is when one is ahead of his time.  I may not understand the destination here, but wings are airborne in any sky with currents to carry them..and so it is with winged ideas.

Do keep writing.

Klassy  


Goldenrose
Member Elite
since 2003-05-30
Posts 3665

8 posted 2006-05-13 04:44 PM


I enjoy this type of poetry..always have and always will...but i KNOW that the majority of poetry editors who may be able to publish poets work that write like this just dont want to know this kind of work...and i always ask why?...The reply that comes back time and time again is ..if you want to be Shakespeare or Keats we are not interested because the masses want short sharp poetry that can can be read in two minutes flat, possibly in a magazine in a waiting room. This is a reflection of the times we live in...i mean i love John Masefield....if any poet writing today did anything similar to Reynard The Fox..and presented it to a editor..they would simply laugh it off for being far too long....if it is above 30 lines or sounds olde worldy they just dont want to know..but i love it..and i am sure others love it too..but it will never get seen..and that is a great shame..thank you for this poem...you keep up the work...

Go here for Reynard The Fox and see the length of part 1..http://www.poems-and-poetry.com/john-masefield/renyard-the-fox---part-1-poem.html

Goldenrose.

''As the deer pants for steams of water, so my soul pants for you O God''
Psalm 42:1

Fabiani
Member
since 2006-05-12
Posts 123
Mesa, Az
9 posted 2006-05-13 05:27 PM


i love this stlye of poetry
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